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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Walk (07/20/06)
I was in the kitchen
When you came home
You came in screaming
I thought I was dreaming.

You lifted your hand
My face was on fire
You came after me again
I called you a big fat liar.

Your anger raged
you reached for a glass
I reached for the chair
I heard you swear.

You threw the glass
Shattering in pieces
You stared at me
As your anger decreases.

I felt warmth trickle
My hand reached
I felt the blood
It felt like a flood.

I grabbed my bags
I'm walking out
I’m done with you
I won't be back, I shout.

You fell to your knees
You cried like a baby
Please don't go
I told you no.

You have abused me
All our years together
I’m done with it all
I’m tired of your squall.

I slowly walked
Right out the door
And I didn't turn back
As I left you on the floor.
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This article has been read 1078 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Valerie Routhieaux
07/28/06
Good for you. Hurrah! There is only one thing missing, and that is the love of Jesus in this situation. Very good. Keep writing.
Marilee Alvey
07/30/06
This has a lot of possibilities but, for now, there is really nothing that speaks of our faith or our Savior. For example, maybe she summons up a memory of her worth as a child of God, just enough to get the strength to walk out. Just a hint that she knows she is worth more than this.... If I were him I wouldn't hit a child of the King! Keep writing! You show great potential!
Jan Ackerson
08/01/06
Your poem does a great job of capturing the feelings of an abuse victim. Consider working on the rhyme pattern: sometimes you rhymed the 3rd and 4th lines, and sometimes the 2nd and 4th. That plays a bit with your readers' minds; we don't know what to expect next.

Very moving and sad poem, with an absolutely authentic voice.
Rita Garcia
08/01/06
Very touching, realistic, and I love that fact she left!
Joanne Sher 
08/01/06
This is full of raw emotions! Wow - I felt her pain. Great job!
Ann Darcy
08/02/06
Hey Rebekah, you know I can't do poetry worth anything, but the comments above made sense. :) I really liked the raw emotion there, but I, like others, wished there was some hint at hope. The goal would be to do it without being preachy... Great job! Glad you're writing again, glad you're sticking around! Keep up the good work!
Jesus Puppy 
08/02/06
I found this extremely well done. even the chopy rhyming made it interesting, and kept me pealed. The emotion shown was great, with vivid discription over all. Taking such a heated moment and making it poetic was hard, but you did a great job. True with more words you could have led her to seeking the Lord, but as I see it, that was not needed for the poem at hand. Great job Kiddo..
Paula Carrigan
09/13/06
The writer's anger comes through in the short strong meter and makes the reader feel more present in the emotions of the scene.