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TRUST JESUS TODAY

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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: TRUST (07/21/16)
John walked away from the rally feeling high, excited and euphoric. The police had moved them on because they were causing too much uproar. He was alone as ran down the alley to escape arrest.
He and a group of atheistic hecklers had yelled, screamed and waved their "No God" banners at the opposing side with great vigor and passion.
"How dared these narrow-minded bigots say that they were standing up for God's Truth?"

He personally had no such restrictions in his mind; he did not believe in God. Life was for living and without pain until death.

He was a strong advocate for assisted death and was proud to say so. He skipped along the narrow alleyway that led to the bus stop secretly thinking thoughts like

"Oh it’s great to be free to do and say whatever I want to!" and "If Father could see me now."

Father was a country vicar. John remembered the day he told him his 'good' news. It was after he came home for summer holidays from university. Dad went deathly pale with shock. John still lived at home but things had changed between him and his parents. They were very guarded around him.

As a child and young boy he went to church and participated in church activities but as he grew older, friends at high school had taunted him for his background. He began to think differently and more favourably towards their points of view. He had kept this news from Dad until that fateful day.

Scene 2

He paused to spit in the open drain and as he lifted his head he saw in his peripheral vision a pair of sandaled feet with a strange scar.
"Bare feet in cold Yorkshire; now that is a novelty" he muttered to himself.
He slowly lifted his head but reeled back stumbling, tearing his "No God" banner as he tried to save himself. He did not seem to be in control of himself. He was about to fall when he was held by a large gentle hand.
The hand that he saw had a large hole in the center of the wrist.
"Oh my God!" John squealed in dismay, then he heard a gentle yet powerful voice say, "John why are you persecuting my people?"

That is all John remembered.

Hours later, it seemed, he woke up to find himself in his bed at home. He did not know how he got there. He was fully dressed and his torn banner lay across his bed.
John lay in bed trying to determine what had happened in the alleyway and how he made it home. In a daze, he showered, dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen. His mother was at the sink and for the first time in months he felt warmth towards her.

"Hi Mother" he said in a gentle voice. She spun around looking amazed at this gentle John. "Good morning son." she said, " Are you hungry?"
John felt different and he knew that he was never going to be the same.
“I need to talk to Dad. I am going to need to keep help understanding what had happened in the alleyway” he said to himself.

“What am I to with this? I believe now! It’s like Light came on in me! I met Jesus and I believe in Him. Oh my God!”
As he left to find his father, Mother got on her knees in the kitchen and started to pray.

John wanted to run and scream. His heart felt like it would burst.

He hurried along the hallway to Dad's study and knocked on the door. What ensued could not be easily described in words. There were many tears and his father was somewhat overwhelmed by the sudden change. He prayed with him and gave him a Bible that he had bought for him years ago.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/02/16
This story has good characters, suspense, conflict, and a clear message. Some of the dialog and thoughts didn't sound realistic to me. You can put internal dialog in italics to show that it is a thought. You definitely did a good job of writing on the topic. You've got a great foundation of an interesting story here. With a bit of tweaking, I see a lot of potential in it. Nicely done.
Laury Hubrich 
08/02/16
You should have named your character Paul. :) I like your story. There's lots of room for growth. Keep on writing and reading. Practice helps so much. Good job!
Terry Lee
08/03/16
This is a unique approach, and I loved it. I'm a big fan of natural-meets-supernatural stories, and I noticed multiple layers of depth and meaning.

I really like how you inserted "Scene 2." I've never seen this done in a Challenge piece. These entries have such a small word count, it's nearly impossible, and often not advisable to include more than one scene. But this was a brilliant way to do overcome that obstacle.