Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ROAD TRIP (vacation) (07/02/15)
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TITLE: A Rapid Turn of Events | Previous Challenge Entry
By Susanna Kelley
07/08/15 -
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As morning began to awaken out of its slumber and the sun danced in the sky, the McPherson house was slowly rousing with the sound of Cracker the rooster make his usual wake up rounds. As 7-year-old Anna snuggled deep under her feather quilt, 4-year-old Benny tip toed into his oldest sister’s bedroom. Then as he neared her bed, he crouched low, and made a quick “pounce attack” on top of his sleeping sister, who immediately sat straight up. Anna tossed her brother to the side of her, jumped out of her bed, and looking bewildered, sobbed.
“Benjamin Nolan McPherson! How many times do I have to tell you to never wake me up? I’m telling Mama,” sputtered little Anna, and with tears streaming down her face, rushed out of her room to locate her mother. After a few stunned seconds, the realization of what might happen when their mother found out, or even their father, little Benny quickly bounded out of his sister’s room to intercept Anna. As Benny found his mother in the kitchen, he understood he was too late, as he could see from the saddened look upon his mother’s face, the news had already been told. His mother, who was holding baby Daniel, half turned toward little Anna, and gently handed the baby to her eldest child, who carefully took her infant brother. As Anna placed baby Daniel into his old, wooden high chair to feed him his mush, their mother took Benny’s hand and led him out into the small living room to explain the consequences. ‘Oh no,’ thought Benny to himself, ‘I’m in big trouble now.’
His mother sat him down on the old fashioned sofa, and spoke gently, “Benny, do you know why it’s important to respect your sister’s privacy?” Benny shook his head no. His mother said, “Well, we need to be respectful to our family members and friends, because that makes God happy, right?” Benny smiled and nodded his head. “Okay, you need to tell your sister you are very sorry and you will be more careful to knock at her door before you enter next time, okay?” Benny nodded, while a sense of relief swept over him. After he apologized, and the family had finished breakfast and morning devotions, Mr. McPherson spoke authoritatively, “Okay, Family. Let’s all get pack into the station wagon. We are going on an adventure!” Benny, Anna and his wife stared at the man of the house in disbelief! The baby just smiled, and cooed.
After 10 minutes, the family was all packed into the family car, and was driving down the road into unexpected territory. After 35 minutes, both baby Daniel and Benny were fast asleep, and Anna sought her father’s attention. “Daddy, this is so unlike you. Um…where are going? How long was this planned?” Her father chuckled, and replied reassuringly, “Oh, I thought the family could do well with a change of scenery for awhile. It’s a surprise! You’ll just have to wait and see, my little Anna bear!” Anna smiled, but still the wonder of it all went through her mind as the day wore on. Thirty minutes later, Mr. McPherson pulled the old station wagon into a parking lot of “Big Al’s Diner,” and brought the car to a stop, and turning off the ignition. After he woke up the children, he carried baby Daniel into the restaurant, while Marybeth, his wife carried Benny in. Once the children and their mother were all seated at a booth table, Mr. McPherson made his way over to the service counter. A middle-aged, heavy set man with a jolly face met him at the counter, and inquired, “What can I do you for, Mister?” Mr. McPherson placed a finger on his chin, thoughtfully, as he responded, “I would like a family meal. Do you have a family pizza meal?” The middle-aged man nodded his head and chuckled, “I sure do! Where are you and your brood headed for?”
Mr. McPherson leaned close to the restaurant man, and whispered, “It’s a secret.” The older man winked, and said a quick, “I gotch’er. Okay. Pizza Family meal coming up….anything else…I don’t mean to pry, but you look like a man with a load on yer’ mind.” Mr. McPherson nodded. He sat down briefly at the counter and spoke casually, “You know, I thought it was high time to teach my youngsters a lesson. Going out camping.”
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Make sure you start a new paragraph each time someone new speaks or acts. I'm not entirely sure that you nailed the topic. You brought it in at the very end, but until then it wasn't about a road trip, but more why the Father went on it.
With that said, you definitely thought outside of the box, which I give you credit for. I love a good ending and yours was really good. It drove your message home and brought a smile to my face. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.