Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Lock and Key (08/21/14)
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TITLE: Box of Dreams | Previous Challenge Entry
By Katrina Angle
08/28/14 -
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The shoebox, liberally decorated with red hearts, smiley faces and ‘love forever’ scrawled in bold, black, loopy letters, sat unassumingly in the back of the closet. For years it had waited for April to remember that it was here, holding secrets and treasures from her past. Memories that she had sworn she would forget gathered dust while April’s busyness, new friends, and career crowded out the dreams and promises she had once treasured.
Now, just hours before she was to board the airplane that was to transport her to her new life, April sat inside her closet, mascara and tears running in streams down her face as she gazed at the shoebox. Unconcerned that she was wrinkling the suit she had bought to impress her new boss, she reached out for the box, then pulled away. She was hesitant to open it, knowing that if she did, her decisions up to this point might be for nothing. Another life was inside this box; one that she had stuffed out of sight in her anger and disappointment. Did she really want relive the good times, laced as they were with the pain of great loss?
Gathering her courage, she quickly grabbed the box so that she could not change her mind, and gently lifted the lid. The key was still there, nestled in her grandmother’s lace handkerchief, and her heart jumped with a strange mixture of joy and sorrow as scenes from her past flooded her mind. A photograph peeked out from underneath the key, and the handsome, smiling face staring at her started another storm of tears.
“Don’t forget our tree,” he had whispered. As if it were just hours ago, she could hear James’ words ringing in her ears, as he had pressed the key into her hand. Although it had been ten years since she had seen him, she could still see the way his eyes had shone with love. She could still remember his scent and the feel of his lips on her cheek as he kissed her goodbye.
April remembered her reaction too. She had pushed him away, masking her fear of losing him with anger. She hadn’t returned his kiss. She hadn’t even said goodbye. And when James had left her standing on her parents’ porch, she’d marched up to her room, had thrown all of the little things that reminded her of him into this shoebox, and had shoved it to the back of her closet. It was if she had placed a part of herself in there as well. She had turned away from her art, from the woods where they had met almost every day, and from the community where they both had grown up. A week after James had left, April packed up and moved in with a friend who lived several hours away. Within a month, she’d found a job, and was on her way to forgetting her past.
Until today. Ten years later, on the brink of becoming partner in one of the biggest law firms in New York, April had gotten a post card in the mail which read, “Where is the key that will unlock your heart? Did you forget our tree?” The cryptic note was for her eyes alone. She knew that there was only one person that could have written it: James. Which was why she had abandoned her packing and found herself in her childhood bedroom, looking at the key.
As April exchanged her heels for a worn pair of her mother’s flip flops, her heart began to beat with hope. Looking out the back door, she could see the woods where she had spent so much time as a girl. They were calling to her and she could hardly wait to answer. Gripping the key tightly in her hand, she sprinted for the over grown path that led to ‘their tree.’ She knew just where to dig and she knelt down and tore at the earth with her bare hands until she felt the corner of a rusty, metal box.
The lock was rusted over, but April thrust the key in and wiggled it as hard as she could. With a crusty groan the lock finally gave way, but instead of opening the lid, she lifted her eyes to the blue sky. “God,” she whispered, “forgive my stubbornness and pride.” She paused, relished the moment with anticipation, then slowly reopened her dreams and unlocked the door to her heart.
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Well done!
God bless~
The box held emotions for us too. We want to know what happens next.
Congratulations on your well deserved recognition.
God bless~
Your beginning was strong in that you developed the conflict right out of the box (pun intended :) ), which made me eager to continue reading more. At first I thought you were going to tell the story from the POV of the box because of this line: For years it had waited for April... Personally, I would've loved that, thinking it fresh, although others may not like personifing inanimate objects. It's also a passive line. By switching it around some, you could take away the personification feeling and make it active. Ex: Years ago, April had shoved it into the recesses of her mind and her closet. (The mind part might be too cheesy.)
You do a nice job of showing the reader a mental picture. For me personally, the opening line might have been a bit heavy for such a short story, but I could picture it vividly, and it set the atmosphere for the story. By having a long sentence, it shows the way April had dragged her feet at the thought of opening the box and the pain in her heart. That's a great thing for a writer to do and not at all easy.
This line is a great example of showing: she reached out for the box, then pulled away.
By adding dialog or thoughts, you could do even more showing: Ex: Her heart pounded as the voice in her head taunted her. Are you sure you want to risk this? You could wipe away all your hard work just by opening it. .
Your ending was great. It left me with a smile on my face and wondering what was in there. I like open endings like this because it allows the reader to go where she needs to go. It also would be an excellent teaser for the end of a chapter. I definitely think you could expand on this and make it into a novel.
I liked your take on the topic. It was subtle in the beginning and really shined at the end. You did a nice job of crafting the story with little or no errors. You may want to double space between paragraphs to give the reader more white space, but that's no biggie. Overall, you did a great job. Congratulations on your HC. You're in a competitive level and it speaks volumes about your natural talent. I'm eager to read more of your work.