Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Day and Night (07/10/14)
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TITLE: Outside, Inside and Beyond | Previous Challenge Entry
By Caleb Cheong
07/15/14 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Day and night, the glorious food courts invite
They placate us for twenty-four hours
Customers come for their palatable
needs and comfort at odd times and hours
Hotels and motels draw guests day and night
like a city that never sleeps
providing food, and beverages,
accommodation and services
Traffic flow and human stream
pour in unreservedly day and night;
on the perpetual immigration team
they relentlessly descend
Howling winds, stormy rains, Katrina reigns
The police and the coast guards tirelessly
patrol day and night; while we sing
slog, and slumber in the fantasyland
The hospitals stay open day and night
to attend to patients and casualties
; the paramedics are on the alert
for emergencies or come what may
The lights at the Seniors’ are beaming bright
like dancing diamonds in the star-lit night,
nurses, doctors and caregivers
stand by at the blink of the alarm light
Our gratitude grows for them who work
constantly during the day and the night
as we realize how they keep us
safe and sound, well and satisfied
Our body systems function day and night
keeping us awake and alive
to stay in tip top condition-Indeed
our body is wonderfully designed
Thousands of thoughts cruise through our mind
, noble and ignoble, day and night
while our heart beats; the wrist watch chimes
reminding us that we are still finite
Have we ever wondered
what preserves us day and night:
never failing and always delivering;
meeting our needs and wants?
Beyond a doubt, The Infinite sustains
the universe day and night;
He watches over us through His angels,
while we sing, slog, and slumber cares away
The Alpha and the Omega
The first and the last-Jesus
never ceases to intercede
and to listen to our cries day and night
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He is just waiting for us to turn from our busy day and look at HIM. Nice job.
I agree with Jody that it could use just a little tweaking.
I find I like reading poems that have a rhythm in the words. It does not necessarily have to have rhyming words but that is also nice. (but finding rhyming words take a lot more hard work.)
Keep putting your thoughts and ideas into words for us.
I realize two mess-ups here.
1 The stanza beginning "The lights at the Seniors'…", and "Beyond a doubt…" should be separated from the lines above.
2 ..While we sing, slog and slumber in the fantasyland should be we sleep, snore, and slumber in the fantasyland in its original version.
These slips were too late for me to change.
Blessings
The first and the last-Jesus
never ceases to intercede
and to listen to our cries day and night
Very powerful closing! Love it.
Keep shining His light and writing for His glory.
I enjoyed this very much!
God bless~
Love this. Thank you.
I recommend you use the preview button and do a careful edit of your entry BEFORE you hit submit. This will give you the chance to make sure each verse is the way you want it and that lines do not begin with punctuation marks.
I too, found the last verse to be powerful.
Blessings.
My only red ink is to proof read proof read and proof read before submitting. There were several punctuation mishaps carried over to another line.
Though please don't condemn your yourself because I have found mistakes in many that have had numerous edits by professional editors.
I would love to read some of your articles, in that I am sure you would do a fine job with this.
Keep up the good work!