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Topic: Outlook (06/02/11)
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TITLE: Frail as fern leaves | Previous Challenge Entry
By maria antonia rahartati bambang haryo
06/06/11 -
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God has generously granted me two sons, the eldest is 45, and the youngest 24. From the age gap, it’s easy to guess, that I was not yet mature (22 something) when I gave birth to my first child, and too old for giving birth at the age of 44 something. I was too late to realize that maturity was not related to age. Even at the age of 44, I didn’t even think of the importance of Christian education. When I raised my first son, my life was packed with efforts to fulfill the daily needs. Still living in our parents’ house for some years, I gladly shared the care of my son to my mom and dad. Pampered by their attention, I went from time to time to France to further my study, with a hope to improve our family condition.
Then we moved to the capital.
Without my parents around, my husband and I thought, taking our only child from time to time to lunch and/or dinner outside and spend every weekend on picnic to the beach or to the mountain was more than enough to show him that we were a caring parent who had only one dream, to make him happy.
Stupidly, we repeated that sort of life style when we raised our second son, while his brother continued his study far from our home town.
Time went by. My first son got married and had children. Then came the Big Bang.
On May 20, 2002 my son received a letter from the Court stating that his wife had petitioned for a divorce. The word “divorce” had been unknown in our extended family. It was absent not only in our mind and heart, but also in our daily conversations. Following that doomed day, I understood why it had been treated as a taboo. Because it brings indescribable grief and pain, heavier than those caused by death. Divorce is an enforced death; divorce destroys all your senses and feelings, it evokes sadness, hopelessness, regrets, anger, confusion and so many other cheerless emotions. Still, we considered the court’s decision to give custody of our grandchildren as a blessing. Because my son had to work down town, his two children stayed with us at home.
From then on, living with two small children became our daily life. For my husband and I, it was a stroke of luck in disguise. They have opened our eyes to make corrections to our way of life. We were eventually aware, that we should offer them another form of happiness. That day, I was so scared when for the first time I audaciously asked my husband and my grandchildren, to sit together to pray, to thank God, right after we woke up in the morning. And again, at the same day, minutes before we go to bed at night.
Surprisingly, to pray in the family has become our daily ‘pastime’. Meanwhile, my eldest surprised us with his new liking; to attend the Holy Mass every morning. He would wake up at 05:00 AM, then drive his car to the nearest church to be present before the reciting of the morning “Angelus” or “Queen of Heaven” during Eastertide.
Although financial difficulties and other tribulations still came faithfully to greet us, but the bond between us was so tight, we knew well how face them. When it happened, every member of our family has the courage to say to each other, “I’m with you, no matter what …”
This type of sympathetic back-up has glued our relationship, and made us daringly say, “Dear Lord, thank you for granting us a wonderful family. With You near us everyday, we learn how to share sincere hope, sincere love and sincere faith … Even though we’re fully aware that they are frail as fern leaves, we know that You will always guard and protect us.”
(652 words)
Author’s notes:
Believe me, living in Indonesia where Christians are minority and raised by fervent Catholic parents, it is not my slightest intention to disseminate the awful truth - the divorce of my eldest son - that has befallen my family. The excruciating pain that I have been feeling – something that could have been avoided, had everybody involved behaved more wisely – has inspired me to share it with other parents and couples facing the same problem. (76 words)
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