Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Handout (04/14/11)
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TITLE: The Good Samaritan | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tiara Huffman
04/21/11 -
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“Fifi hurry up!” My mother called.
Sighing I took my Hannah Montana shirt with the whole in it and put it on. New Clothes was one of the things we had had to go without lately.
Moping I dragged myself downstairs and kissed my mom and dad, then I took my backpack and hurried out to the school bus. I bounded up the steps remembering that we had a field trip planned later to Medieval Times, but froze when I saw Suzzie Tompkins in the back with her little posse. Oh they make me sick!
They think they are so cool and they pick on anyone they think isn’t as cool as they are.
You know what they aren’t cool at all! Since when was being rude cool? Who wants to spend all their time hanging around someone that is always telling them how dump they are or how ugly they look? Huh no thank you!
I treaded forward towards my normal seat next to my friend Arielle.
“Oh my girls do you see what she is wearing? HANNAH MONTANA! She was out in the 4th grade!” Suzzie called out loud enough for everyone on the bus to hear. I ducked my head low ignoring them.
“Don’t worry; I heard them singing ‘Are you ready’ in the bathroom yesterday, which was in that new episode that was on yesterday they are totally into her.” Arielle said trying to make me feel better. But I didn’t care, let them make fun of me because you reap what you sow and one day it will all come back to bite them in those snooty little noses of theirs.
“And it has a whole, and her pants have grass stains!” Called Rachelle.
“She got those grass stains because she’s a tomboy and doesn’t even know what dress is.” Megan followed.
Oh they boiled my skin. Just because I play soccer doesn’t make me a tomboy and I own plenty of dresses I just don’t like wearing them to school, they would be ruined. I like saving my dresses for church.
The teasing didn’t just stop when we got off the bus it continued right into first period, the teacher made them stop but they just followed me into the halls where the name calling continued. I felt like the Jewish traveler that was beaten, robbed and left to die. Because their words beat on my heart and robbed me of my joy sometimes.
Where was my Good Samaritan?
But then something amazing happened! At the end of class Suzzie came up to me—at first I was scared, I didn’t know what she was gonna say—and asked why is it that I have old clothes. And so I told her.
“My dad lost his job over two years ago. And nobody will hire him and my mom doesn’t make enough to get us new clothes. Sometimes we go without food.” I took a second to look in her eyes and I could see tears there. “My mom and dad fight. My mom thinks my dad should just take the money my grandpa keeps trying to give him. But he always says he isn’t ‘looking for a handout from your father.’” Just then I saw her reach into her bag and pullout a shirt.
“Here, I want you to have this. My dad just lost his job too; I don’t want to be teased, like I’ve been teasing you. I’m sorry I was mean.”
“My dad isn’t looking for a handout and neither am I.” I said standing.
“Please…just take it.” I saw tears stream down her face and my heart ached. I took it and said thanks giving her a hug. Pride can keep a person from something good and I wasn’t going to let that happen to me. When I came out of the bathroom after I’d changed into it Megan and Rachelle stood there waiting.
“Look its Fifi the theify she stole Suzzie shirt!”
“No she didn’t.” Suzzie said coming out of the bathroom. “I gave it to her.”
“What!” the girls cried.
“Why would you do that?” Rachelle asked.
“Yeah did your mom make you are something?” Megan questioned.
“Nope,” Said Suzzie shaking her head. “Being mean is just sad. I’m done being mean.” The girls look at her in shocked. That’s when Suzzie and I became friends.
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Make sure you have a good proofreader. There were quite a few mistakes like whole instead of hole and are instead of or.
You did a great job in most places of showing instead of telling but every once in a while you would drift back into telling.
Keep writing I really enjoyed this and once you polished it some it would be great as a Sunday School handout or a child's magazine like Pockets. Overall you did a very good job.