Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Ow! (01/07/10)
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TITLE: What's That You Say? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Michelle Knoll
01/07/10 -
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“Yeah, well, that's going to be one huge doctor's bill,” the man said on his cell phone, as he got inside the taxi. The cabby looked in the rear-view mirror, and waited for the man to say where he needed to go.
Seeing the waiting glance in the mirror up front, the man told the other phone party to hold on, and then told the cabby, “Covent Garden.” With practiced skill, the cabby maneuvered his taxi out into the traffic and proceeded on his way.
“Well, let me know what the doctor says about this one,” the man concluded, and then closed his cell phone. Sitting back against the seat, he sighed noticeably.
“Trouble, guv'ner?” the cabby said, to make conversation.
“Eh, yeah. One of my lighting techs got injured today.”
“'Ow?” the cabby exclaimed curiously.
The man chuckled dryly. “Yeah, he's in some pain, all right.”
“Beg pardon, but I mean... 'OW did he get hurt?”
The man realized his mistake and corrected. “Oh, he fell while rigging one of the lighting beams.”
“'Ow?”
The man eyed the cabby, uncertain of the meaning. “He... was on a ladder, and... lost his balance.”
The cabby winced. “Ow!” he commented, staring at the traffic in front of him.
Perplexed at the cabby's response, but willing to oblige the driver's concern, he continued to describe the scene. “He... leaned out too far to position the barn doors on a light, and that's when it happened.”
“Ow,” said the cabby, thoughtfully.
The businessman stared at the cabby, bewildered that the man was asking yet again for more details. “Well, for this one particular scene, the light had to focus on a very small part of the stage. When he leaned out to set that light, the ladder moved underneath him. Then, as he moved back to steady the ladder, it fell. It was a rather tall ladder. He landed on his left arm and leg. They think both might be broken.”
Arriving at the destination, the cabby swiftly pulled the taxi to the curb. Turning to face his passenger in the back seat, his wide-open eyes and one-word response told his reaction to the painful story:
“OW!”
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Shann
I've started a class in the FaithWriters forums for Beginner and Intermediate writers. I'd love to see you there--look for "Jan's Writing Basics".
You're a rising star, I think!
I think this was the best one I read so far in regards to the subject matter.
I am partial to British accents and characters so this was an enjoyable read. So well-written. I hardly can't say anything in way of a critique!