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Topic: End (02/13/06)
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TITLE: End of an Old Life | Previous Challenge Entry
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02/14/06 -
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Stepping out onto the street I realized that my vision was different. This was the first time I had walked outside as a Christian. It seemed as if everything I looked at was in a new light. The people, the trees, everything looked so new. So inviting to me. My whole life my head had been looking down as I walked. Now just looking at the bright blue sky in a way I have never seen before. I’ve never seen God lighting up the world. And it was beautiful….
I never imagined life as a Christian. I sought God, but never Jesus. I believed Jesus was real. Someone who had great ideas on how to live and coexist with everyone. But to be a healer, a savior, the miracles, there was just no way that was possible. How could I put any faith in something I’ve never seen or felt? Christianity had to be an opiate, a moneymaking scheme, a way to keep the people in check or in fear.
But then I realized that something was missing in my life. Life was decent, but lonely. No true companionship. I thought about going to church. But I was scared. People are so judgmental. They may smile during church but they’ll talk badly when I leave.
One day my exgirlfriend calls me up and asks if I want to go to church. I’ve been wanting to go, but I was scared to go alone, so I say yes without hesitating. The past with her father and me was rocky at best, so I choose to sit alone. Eventually breaking down to her telling me to sit with her. Church was nice but nothing special.
The second week, a question was bothering me. Could I believe in Jesus? Could all the bad things in my life be forgiven? The start of church the pastor asks us to pray and tell God our sins. I start…telling Him everything. From drugs, to sex, to self hatred, I barely touched on all my sins when this rush of light and emotion fills me deep within. And I hear in my head “I forgive your past, let go of the anger and move on.” And nothing but tears. Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears upon tears. The single greatest moment of my life.
That day I became a seeker of Christ. Each new day I see God’s affect on me, and on others. I see His work in the world and it makes me smile. Knowing that my Father, who loves me, has a plan for me and smiles down on me is so comforting.
When things are down, just look up…and feel Gods’ arms around you.
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