Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: I SURRENDER ALL (to God) (don’t write about the song) (05/07/15)
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TITLE: What Do We Need to Give Up? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Grace Merkey
05/13/15 -
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Word in the Bible won't be seen.
When we to God our sin confess
With His salvation He will bless.
Jesus says that to follow Him
Self denial we must begin.
The ten commandments are quite clear,
Consequences will be severe.
God is the only one to serve.
His name our reverence deserves.
Remember Him on Sabbath Day.
Honor parents in the right way.
Don't kill, steal, lie or covetous be.
Do not commit adultery.
We try hard these things not to do.
Are there other sins we should view?
Anger, irritability,
Indulging in anxiety ,
Self righteousness is also sin.
It will not God's approval win.
Self control, something we may lack,
Part of our tithe, do we hold back?
Maybe we love the world too much,
Respectable sins are such and such?
What the Lord desires, most of all,
Is for us to answer His call,
Glory and praise to Him render,
Our will unto Him surrender.
As strange as this may seem to be
His plan will bring us victory.
Exceedingly, abundantly,
Above all we ask, think or see.
His way causes such peace and joy,
Our praise we'll happily employ.
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There are some lines that have some really awkward wording. Try not to surrender (hehe) natural language for the sake of a rhyme. Jan Ackerson, one of our master writers here at FW, has some lessons on poetry on the forums right now. You might want to check them out, and ask her some questions.
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67&sid=fb656a78bf950b585e4916660226ed83
Your first stanza is right on! Nice job.