Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Exhale (08/15/13)
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TITLE: Breathe Before Speaking | Previous Challenge Entry
By Victoria Catron
08/21/13 -
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“Well, you should use more normal words,” he sassed her back while pointing his small, right index finger up at her. His green eyes were challenging though they held a bit of uncertainty.
“Just because you don’t know how to open your eyes doesn’t mean that corpulent isn’t a normal word. It’s in the dictionary.” Beth bore a smirk on her calm face waiting to see what he said next. He deserved to be confused after he made her watch some baby show.
“I’m not a nerd like you!” The condescending words whipped out of his mouth hoping to land a good blow. They missed their mark entirely.
“Well, at least I know something.” Beth stuck out her tongue again. Her little brother’s lips were sealed tightly shut and his eyes seem to grow three times larger as a mean gleam filled them.
“Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.” Beth began the teasing line of a blonde joke only to be interrupted by a high-pitched scream. Her brother straightened tall as possible and made his hands into tight fists.
“I’M NOT A BLONDE! I know how to breathe!”
“I guess you do know something after all!” Beth laughed at her brother’s frustration. She turned on her heels with a wink and left the room. Her job for the day was complete.
Being an older sister wasn’t all that bad. Sure younger siblings could be more than annoying but they could also reap what they sowed quite easily and no doubt often. God said vengeance was his to repay (Romans 12:19 KJV) but both children and adults aren’t good at turning the other cheek (Matthew 5:39 KJV). Before opening our mouths and inserting one or both feet we would be wise to count the times we inhale and exhale. Most of all we need to ask the Lord to change our hearts and hold our tongues!
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I usually recommend not starting a story with dialog, however. It feels slightly gimmicky, and it leaves the reader feeling as if she's walked in on the middle of a conversation. Then it takes a few sentences to get oriented in the world of the story.
The pace of this story was good--it moved right along, pulling the reader to a highly appropriate conclusion.