Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sizzle (05/02/13)
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TITLE: It Only Takes a Spark | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jennifer Liang
05/09/13 -
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As he observed the happenings on Earth, Sizzle muttered to himself “That Drizzle has been at it again. I just lent them the encouragement they needed and now look at the mess he made! Who on earth would believe the vicious rumor spreading about Amy? Apparently Peter doesn’t know Amy’s character as well as he should.”
At that precise moment on Earth Amy was crunching on buttered popcorn and watching Titanic with her best friend Jessica. Neither of the women was focused on the film. “How did that happen? And I thought things were going really well” Amy uttered between uncontrollable sobs. “Amy, I don’t know what happened between you and Peter but I do know that God is in control.” “How can you say that when he refuses to call or even acknowledge me when I see him at our favorite coffee shop?” With her arms around Amy, Jessica spoke “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:18.” “How can I be thankful for this situation?” “I don’t have an answer; I just know that my life verse has always helped me when I face difficulties I don’t understand. Usually the answers are clearer later.” “Okay. I will try to be thankful for the good times we did have together. Thank you for listening.”
Sizzle was encouraged by Jessica’s words as he mapped out a plan to bring Peter back to Amy. They were a perfect match and heaven had a special plan for the emerging family. They just needed another spark to get the fire going.
Meanwhile Peter was busy with his job as a shift supervisor at the local cupcake boutique. As he mopped floors he was fuming at the allegations an acquaintance of his had made at his girlfriend Amy. He didn’t know what to believe but had stopped making contact with Amy. Deep in his heart he loved her but couldn’t live with someone of her supposed background. Suddenly a revelation hit him and he smacked himself with his hand right between the eyes. Had he ever asked Amy if what was being said about her was true? No, he hadn’t! That thought brought a spring to his step as he impatiently waited for his next break when he could call her.
Sizzle quietly returned to his place in heaven and relaxed knowing he had just completed another job well done. With their passion reignited Peter and Amy were now headed towards a beautiful and successful marriage. As a bonus Amy learned an important lesson in gratefulness.
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I wanted to know more though, to hear more about what happened before and after. Don't be afraid to explore your characters more. It's better to develop them, then trim out unnecessary information later. I liked the dialog as it helps the reader connect with the MC. Just remember to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks.
I think you did a nice job of juxtaposing the angels and humans. This story makes the reader stop and think, which is always a good thing. This is a delightful read.