The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/20/12
You have mastered a winning combination: strong message, creative writing, and holding the attention of the reader.

Great job!

Wing His Words!
04/25/12
A good strong story but one point: 'both individually and separately'

Individual and seperate are the same thing.

Good job and I hope you do well.
This is a good story. You started out with a teaser that made me want to keep reading.

Many people this week wrote about that verse and a troubled marriage. You did a nice job on the descriptions and helping me to picture the story as it unfolds.

The main red ink I would offer is that some of your sentences may be a tad long for a short story. A reader may be slightly overwhelmed by them. You could still use the same powerful descriptions but put them into two sentences instead of one.

I enjoyed how you wrapped up the ending. You gave the reader a hint that things would work out and it is nice to end a story with hope. Your descriptions painted a vivid picture and it feels like you have been working hard on that pesky show don't tell rule that many writers struggle with. You packed a lot of story into 750 words. Nice job.
04/26/12
Colorfully descriptive article. Nicely done. One typo... crabbing instead of grabbing her coat... although, I don't much like wearing coats so maybe you really meant crabbing... ? Nice writing.
Congratulations for placing 7th in level one!