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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Achievement (03/08/12)
At about 8pm, Ralph pulled into the garage, lowered the door, and staggered into the house. "Alice, I’m home."

Alice's voice could be heard from another room. "There’s a hot dish that is in the fridge, all you need to do is heat it up."

Ralph opened the refrigerator and put the dish into the microwave. "Thanks honey, I have great news. Bob, wrote a new position for me. I am considering becoming the operations supervisor for Hannon Electric."

Alice strolled into the kitchen while Ralph put the food into the microwave. "Will that mean you'll be home by five?"

"Actually, it won't."

Alice moaned, "Ralph , when you started this job 10 years ago you worked normal hours. On a few occasions you’ve worked a few twelve hour days. For the past six months, you’ve worked three twelve hour days a week. The past month you’ve volunteered to work every Sunday. Your son and daughter miss their dad.”

Ralph grabbed the hot dish from the microwave and spooned on a plate. "Honey, they gave me a hefty raise."

Alice gritted her teeth. "One of the reasons I married you, is because you're a strong Christian. We've both been on volunteer staff for youth group. You’re backsliding.”

"Alice, this has been a faith journey. The Lord's hand has been on my life. He took me from being a lowly janitor, to learning how to be a electrician. and now the possibility of being a supervisor. I have this opportunity to be a boss because of the Lord. Don't you think that rags to riches story could be a Christian witness to the youth?"

Alice started to laugh, "Youth! You haven't been there in a month. The kids probably won’t remember you."

Ralph rolled his eyes, “Honey, I've worked hard to get to where I am.”

A vein bulged on Alice's forehead. "You’re not going to church, the past few months you haven't been reading the Bible like you use to. There is a verse that talks about gaining the whole world and losing your soul. You're losing your soul."

Ralph sat at the kitchen table and lowered his head. “Alice, I don’t know what to say.”

Alice rubbed her hands on his back. "I love you, I am proud of you for getting the opportunity of being supervisor. You can't put money ahead of your family and the Lord. You need to get alone with the Lord and pray about this, okay?"

"Alice, I love you, I promise I'll do that this weekend."
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This article has been read 767 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Laura Manley
03/17/12
I liked the story line of this entry; however, I felt it ended too abruptly. I don't know if that was because of the word count, but it didn't seem to transition from him talking about getting ahead to him tell his wife he would work on it that weekend. Other than that, I enjoyed your story and the message it had for us.
Dolores Stohler 
03/17/12
Ralph is so typical of Americans everywhere, women as well as men these days. Your story holds a great message because to God marriage and family are sacred commitments and far more important than gaining the so-called "American Dream". There are times when we need to put aside our ambitions to serve God better. I love what you had to say. Thanks for writing this.
Jody Day 
03/18/12
This story has a good message. The dialogue keeps the story moving. It fits the topic and is relevant to our society today. Good job:)

Watch for unnecessary commas. Sometimes reading aloud will help identify those punctuation problems and repetitiveness. You don't have to give every detail. Example. We know she used her hands to rub his back and Ralph put that hot dish in the microwave twice.

I do love the action of the meal while they are talking. Keep writing:)
C D Swanson 
03/21/12
Wonderful job with this powerful story...great message. Many can get caught up with their accomplishements...not realizing that without God in the equation it will be fleeting and empty.
Jesus said, "We cannot serve two masters" Great job of bringing this message home with clarity.

God Bless~