The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/10
I think this story is told in an interesting way. I wanted to keep reading to see what happened. I often get a sense of people similarly. It may help to break up the story into paragraph for easier reading. Thanks for sharing!
09/16/10
Good premise here, and a good story, certainly showing promise! I agree about double-spacing between paragraphs for readability. Also, toward the end I was confused about who was using the word "Bozo" and reading it back several times didn't clear it up for me. Just an extra re-read or two before submitting will probably take care of this. Overall, some very good writing, and I felt the emotion as you described what was going on. Blessings!
Great story idea. You definitely caught and kept my attention. You also did good with your dialog which put me right into the middle of this story. Be sure to take more time with that dreaded "proof reading" we're all so fond of! :)
09/17/10
I really liked how you used the 'judgemental' topic. In so many ways it has a negative connotation and you did a good job turning it into a 'feeling', 'an intuition' if you will. I did see some typos as well and did have trouble determining who was calling who the Bozo toward the end. All in all, it's a good piece. :)
This was an exciting story. I was excited to keep reading and to find out if the roommate would learn the hard way. Try to have someone read your piece aloud before you submit to help you catch the typos. All on all though you told a great story.
09/20/10
I think you handled the topic well. It would be easier for the reader if you had an extra space between paragraphs. Good take on this topic.