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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Inner Person (09/09/10)

TITLE: Pagman
By Sonia Alcala
09/09/10


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“Why don’t you like him?” My roommate was grilling me about my feelings for her dance teacher, Pagman.
“I don’t know. There is just something about him. I mean he seems nice. He is a great dancer, but he just rubs me wrong.”
“How?! What did he do?” Angie seemed offended that I was not as taken with Pagman as she.
“Angie, I already told you I don’t know. I just have this feeling.” I was hoping she would take that as a good enough answer and drop the subject. I didn’t want to discuss it anymore.
“You are so judgmental!” she exclaimed. “I think you might be the problem.”
“Whatever,” I said in return. I learned over the last few months as her roommate to ignore her snide comments about my opinions. I just walked away from her. I went to my room to read the Word and pray.
“Lord, I know I am not supposed to be judgmental. God, forgive me if I am,” I prayed. “I just have this feeling.” Sometimes those feeling were from God, so I prayed that I was discerning truth and just imagining it.
The next afternoon, I was at the dance studio for my first lesson. I waited in the chair right next to the secretaries desk. My left armrest was next to the front of her desk and I was seated facing the window into the dance studio. I sat slightly turned to the left so as to face her as I asked her about her job and whether or not she enjoyed working in the dance studio. Just then, Pagman came in to talk to her about a matter. I didn’t really listen to what he was saying because he stood directly next to my right armrest and leaned over me to place his hands on her desk. I was forced to lean back into my chair so that he would not be on top of my head! He didn’t look at me or even say “Excuse me.” It wasn’t until he stepped back that he saw the expression of annoyance on my face.
“Oh, excuse me. Sorry,” he said with a hint of sarcasm to cover his embarrassment.
He must have thought I would enjoy having him practically on top of me. Now I knew I didn’t like him. I thought to myself, “What a BOZO!” The hour bell rang and Pagman walked away as my dance instructor came out to greet me. Angie asked me how my lesson went when I returned home. She didn’t seem to be annoyed with me anymore, so I didn’t bring up Pagman’s behavior.
Angie and I both avoided the subject of Pagman until the next Thursday night dance party. He came up to our table to talk to Angie. I turned my head to look out at the dancers on the dance floor. I guess he didn’t like not having both of our attention because I made a point to loudly declare to Angie that I thought he was a “Bozo”, he didn’t use the word Bozo though.
“Hey, you said it . I didn’t,” was my response. Angie could sense the both Pagman and I were set to not be friends.
A few months later, Angie returned home form her dance lesson. She seemed really depressed. I asked her what was wrong. She told me she would tell me some other time. A week later, she came into the living room while I was reading and asked if she could talk to me.
“What’s up?” I asked. She seemed serious, but not confrontational. I thought it would be safe to talk.
“Last week, when you asked what was wrong, I was depressed because I felt ashamed of how I had been treating you. You were right about Pagman all along. He was not a good person. He came across to me as nice, but he was having as affair with Frank’s wife.” Frank was the owner of the dance studio. She went on to tell that she heard Pagman also had girlfriends on the side.
Angie apologized for calling me judgmental. Pagman’s inner person was exposed and it turns out he was a womanizer and an adulterer, a real DOG! No wonder I didn’t like him! Praise the Lord for allowing me to discern Pagman’s inner person!


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This article has been read 487 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Emily Gillilan09/16/10
I think this story is told in an interesting way. I wanted to keep reading to see what happened. I often get a sense of people similarly. It may help to break up the story into paragraph for easier reading. Thanks for sharing!
Kate Oliver Webb09/16/10
Good premise here, and a good story, certainly showing promise! I agree about double-spacing between paragraphs for readability. Also, toward the end I was confused about who was using the word "Bozo" and reading it back several times didn't clear it up for me. Just an extra re-read or two before submitting will probably take care of this. Overall, some very good writing, and I felt the emotion as you described what was going on. Blessings!
AnneRene' Capp 09/16/10
Great story idea. You definitely caught and kept my attention. You also did good with your dialog which put me right into the middle of this story. Be sure to take more time with that dreaded "proof reading" we're all so fond of! :)
Nichole Hall09/17/10
I really liked how you used the 'judgemental' topic. In so many ways it has a negative connotation and you did a good job turning it into a 'feeling', 'an intuition' if you will. I did see some typos as well and did have trouble determining who was calling who the Bozo toward the end. All in all, it's a good piece. :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/17/10
This was an exciting story. I was excited to keep reading and to find out if the roommate would learn the hard way. Try to have someone read your piece aloud before you submit to help you catch the typos. All on all though you told a great story.
Christina Banks 09/20/10
I think you handled the topic well. It would be easier for the reader if you had an extra space between paragraphs. Good take on this topic.