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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Touch (the sense of touch) (08/05/10)
An old silver hair woman stood singing in a church choir, “He touched me.” Her heart was joyful as she offered up her hands in praise and thank to God. She could not carry the tune perfectly, but her soul sang. Her thoughts however, drifted back to a different time.

When she had been twelve, a teacher had given her a children’s Bible storybook. She had read it at night so her mother would not take it away. Under the cabinet, she had found more Bible stories on records; she listened to them when no one was around. A few times, she had slipped off to church, but her mother’s attempt to cleanse her with scalding water when she got back discouraged her. She had been looking for God, but He found her the day she could not live without him.

The day had started like most. She had gone to take the trash out. The metal can was heavy, and a torn piece cut her leg causing her to dump the trash in the yard. Her mother thought she did it on purpose and nagged her father into spanking her. The belt left a v shaped marks that covered her body completely from head to toe. She had tried to hide the bruise but had cried all the way to school and was sent home. Upon seeing her, Mom said, “No, you don’t. She can’t stay here. Take her to the woods and dump her off, or killer I don’t care. It would have been better if she were never born, she can’t do anything right, and is utterly worthless.” The dad then took her back to school and dumped her.

Later that day she came home and started dishes. The mom still being mad, that she was there; dumped honey, flour and the dirt from a flowerpot across the ones she had just washed and stormed. The girl being upset and distracted cut her hand on a knife. She was having trouble stopping the bleeding and thought if I don’t, it will kill me. It was followed shortly by thought, but that would solve many problems.

As she put the knife to her throat, she said a silent prayer. “God of Abraham, Jacob, and David I not sure if you even still exist. I have heard stories of old, and they are beautiful. If this, Jesus, that loves everyone is; I would like to met him one day. Could He love me too? I don’t know if we get to pick heaven or hell. I would choose heaven, but hell can be worst than this. I am not sure you could let me in. Heaven is said, to be perfect and I am not. I might mess it up.”

She took a deep breath and started the knife down. Something blocked her hands. A loud thunderous voice came from inside her head. “Thou shall not kill.” Taken back by it she found herself feeling hurt, and tried to explain that she would never hurt another person, or even one of the animals, that they were precious; because He had made them. She was only taking her own life and it was unimportant. Picking up the knife, she again put it to her throat. “Thou shall not kill, You!” roared like a mighty river, its power knocking her to the ground, and leaving her frozen in fear. If the anger had been directed at her, she would have perished. Her mother came back into the room, and seeing all the blood started yelling for her to clean it up. She responded without thinking.

Jesus, had found her that day. It was not the normal prayer of salvation, but then when had her life ever been normal. Strangely, she had been mad at Him for years for He had not let her die or taken her out of the situation. It had taken time for her to learn that He was there holding her hand, that He was planning some way to turn even this evil to good. At times, it was still hard for her to remember that He loved her, and considers her precious. But, as she stood singing, she was remembering all the times His healing touch had changed her and was still making her whole. She no longer had to ask if He was still alive, for she had met Him, she knew, and she would never be the same again.
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This article has been read 850 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Cindy Barclay
08/14/10
WOW! You grabbed my attention and kept it all the way through. What a dramatic ending! The way you told it, it seemed as if you were telling something that really happened- not a story.
Phyllis Inniss 
08/14/10
This graphic story does sound as something you or someone close to you experienced. I would have liked to know what happened to the parents after the conversion.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/16/10
Wow indeed. This is a very powerful story on a difficult topic.

You had a few errors that a good proofreader would have caught. You left out not in the line Hell can be worse than this (at least I think you left it out, maybe you wanted it that way) Also make sure you start a new paragraph with each new speaker.

You did an incredible job of pulling me into your story. I have felt suicidal before and could relate to that feeling of little or no worth. The way you solved the inner conflict was wonderful.
Hanne Moon 
08/17/10
You have shown how even in the midst of dire circumstances, God can reach down and impact a life. This was a good story and the ending wrapped up well.

You need to read your pieces out loud when you are finished with them so that you can catch your incomplete sentences. You need to brush up on grammar and punctuation rules. You concepts and story-telling abilities seem to be great, you just need a little more work in the mechanics of the English language. Good job! :)