The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/01/09
Interesting! I thought it was going to be an allegory, but you gave a good application at the end.
06/01/09
This would be very interesting if expanded and told from Amanda's POV.

Watch your use of exclamation points--they should be used very rarely, if at all, in narrative prose.

Intriguing story, indeed.
06/04/09
good story. The application at the end was a little short.It might make a good childrens talk. Couple of spelling mistakes 'wonder' instead of 'wander'