The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/30/08
Good thoughts- Some dialogue or a particular incident would help emphasize your thoughts. Well written.
12/01/08
Wonderful reminder of the pure essence of coming home for Christmas. Good job.
12/01/08
How very true it is that what should be a time of joy is so often marred by selfishness and grumbling. You have picked up on an important truth which plagues many people, and shown where the answer lies. Your writing is clear, logical and well thought out and the prayer at the end is a nice summary. I would agree with the previous comment that illustrating your message with a story, fictional or from real life, would help give your message more force and make it even more memorable.
I agree with previous comments. . . there is good stuff here. Being more personal would keep more readers' attention. Keep writing - this really is good stuff. :)