Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Patience (08/21/08)
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TITLE: The Day Bobby Left | Previous Challenge Entry
By dub W
08/21/08 -
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Bobby went to college
A long, long way away
Sissy promised her love
A pledge she had to say.
Bobby went to army
Loyal to his country
Sissy put a flag out
For everyone to see.
Bobby came home one day
His duty tour done
Sissy cried to greet him
He was her only one.
Bobby did not stay there
His ride was waiting near
Sissy tried to follow
but on no highway clear.
Bobby did not write her
Or call or send email
Sissy new his address
No letter did she sail.
Bobby soon forgotten
By most folks in the town
Sissy watched the window
Chin up and never down
“Bobby, I’m sure must be
happy where he is now.”
Sissy whispered his name
“I’ll see him soon no doubt.”
Bobby never returned
To sit by Sissy’s side
Sissy always remembered
The day her Bobby died.
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I wasn't clear--did he leave, or did he die, or did he leave and then die? And I think you wanted "knew" instead of "new" in one place.
Very good poetic skills...this one reads like a ballad.
One thought for red ink - some of the rhyming lines sound a little awkward, such as "No letter did she sail." You might want to watch your rhymes and make sure your poem flows well...
Keep up the good work!