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After a very vivid, and terribly frightening, well-detailed dream, I saw myself wasting away. In this dream, I was told by my physicians that I had a rare form of cancer. I was further instructed by the doctors, as well as my mother, that I was to “take it easy”, and try not to “exert too much energy.” I couldn’t just lay back and do nothing. Questions began flooding my mind. What am I going to do about my job? Who is going to care about my son, and care for him, if I should die? What about my life? How am I going to make my life count for something? Why am I dying? After contemplating these disheartening thoughts, which corrosively permeated my soul, I awoke, completely shaken, just slightly after midnight on the morning of January 26th, 2015. So, forcing myself to sit up, though sleep-deprived, I seriously began to contemplate the dream I had. Gently lying down on my fluffy, flower-patterned quilts, I cried out to a God I heard of as a little girl so many years ago. I usually only had cried out to the Lord in my deep distresses, when it had suited me, though I received no answer for my prayers then. “Oh, Lord,” I wailed, “am I really dying? But I just can’t go. I have a good job as a Beauty Wellness consultant, and my responsibility to care for my 10-year-old son, Nathanial. My precious Nathanial….my poor boy. He’s already lost his father 8-years-ago..”
As my world around me came crashing down around me, thoughts of a secure future started to shatter. I slowly crawled back under the security of my soft blankets, and lamentably responded to the Lord, “Lord, I have heard of You when I was just a little girl, and have never really known You. Lord, if You are real, please reveal Yourself to me. Reasoning within myself, that now I had to call off my health and beauty consultation, as well as reschedule Nathanial’s horseback riding lesson at Watson’s Farm. I also will call Dr. Pratt, and see if he can schedule an appointment for me today to find out the results of the blood test I had last week. I am sure Miss Madison, who occasionally watches Nathanial when I have to go out on appointments, wouldn’t mind watching Nathanial today while I went on a doctor’s appointment. After making a mental note of my day’s plans, I gently dozed off into a heavy sleep for the remainder of the morning.
When I finally arose again, feeling the first warm rays of sun filtering through my bedroom window, I rolled over to see what time it was, and upon seeing it was already 7:20am, I figured I needed to get my lazy bones out of bed. Though the warmth and security seemed inviting, my nose picked up the delicious scent of coffee and gluten-free oatmeal raisin pancakes wafting through the air, tickling my nose. ‘Was my sweet boy making me breakfast already?’ So, shifting my body upright, and letting my legs dangle over my bed, I determined I would get up and face the day, though still grieving over the dream I had. How would I reveal my son, my only son, that his mother was dying of cancer. I just had to find out! Then I slipped my feet into my warm, brown memory foam slippers, and shuffled to the kitchen. As Nathanial sensed my presence, he skipped out to meet me, and wrapped his arms around me.
“I love you, Mama! Oh, follow me..I have a surprise for you,” my son chimed enthusiastically, as he led me out of the living room and into the kitchen. Wow. The lovely smells of pancakes and coffee danced through the air, as my son ushered me to sit down at the dining room table. “Close your eyes, Mama. No peeking.” Deep inside, great pools of tears starting collecting over the anguish. ‘ Lord,’ I cried, ‘how can I die and leave this precious boy of mine to fend for himself? This world is so cruel.’ Tears streamed down my face, as I heard the little tip toe steps approaching. In a sweet whisper, I heard, “Open your eyes, Mama.” Upon opening my tear-streaked eyes, presented on the table before me was a small stack of gluten-free oatmeal raisin pancakes, fruit salad, and a steaming cup of decaffeinated coffee. Nathanial gazed upon my face, and replied, “Mama, why are you crying? I thought my surprise would make you happy. You have been working so hard, I wanted to give you a break.” Wrapping my arms around him, I held him tightly.
All in an instant, the phone rang, and Nathanial ran to answer it. After a couple of moments, he called out, “Mama, it’s your friend, Miss Laura.” As I started to get up, dizziness followed, and I clutched the arms of the chair. Before I could attempt it again, Nathanial came trotting in and handed me the phone. Kissing me on the cheek, I responded, “Thank you, Sweetheart. Could you go start your morning schoolwork, while I speak with Miss Laura?” Nathanial smiled as he nodded and skipped to the schoolroom.
Then placing the phone to my ear, I softly whispered, “Hello, Laura. Can I be totally honest with you?”
“Of course, Renee. I haven’t heard from you in several weeks, though I assumed you were just busy,” came the response of my sweet friend.
“Ok, I admit I have been feeling very tired for quite some time. I just had a frightening dream where my doctors told me that I have cancer. I just had blood work done last week, and since I haven’t heard from the doctor’s office, I assumed I was alright, with no need to worry. I was going to try and schedule an appointment with Dr. Pratt today to learn of the results. Would you accompany me to the appointment?”
After a few moments of silence, my friend lovingly responded, “Sure thing, Renee. I am free until 3pm. I have a bible study at 4pm and a prayer meeting tonight. Hey, would you and your son like to come? I could take you both to a small café that I know of, and it is gluten-free.” Hesitantly, I responded, “I guess so, Laura. I haven’t been to church since I was in sixth grade, when my mother died of stomach cancer,” then I broke down in tears. My friend soothingly said, “Oh, Renee, that must have been very difficult for you. Would you like to talk about it?”
All at once, I explained to my friend how my mother had taught me of the way of salvation. “She taught me from my early youth about God, and how to receive salvation through Jesus. Then one tragic day, I came home from school to be met at the door by my grandmother, who was weeping. I asked her the reason for her tears, and she told me Mama had died that afternoon. My mother left me when I was only 12-years-old, to be with Jesus. After my mother died, I was so heart-broken over my loss, that I was angry at God. I figured if this God, who my mother professed to trust, then why would he take my mother from me? From that point on, my grandmother took care of me, since my father became an alcoholic. I decided that I had to make my own way in life. After I completed high school, I enrolled Washington University, and enrolled in a health care course. I thought I would become a nurse. During college, I fell in love with a man in my English class, and after college, we were married. We enjoyed a wonderful marriage, and after several years, our sweet Nathanial was born. But tragically just after Nathanial was two-years-old, his father was killed in a horrific car accident. He called earlier that day, and told me he had to work late, but he promised when he got home, he would read a story to Nathanial, and we would talk about our day’s events. I was relieved. But on his way home, he was hit in the driver’s side by a distracted truck driver. Oh, Laura, he never had a chance. When the police called me,” tears had engulfed me.
So, Laura compassionately agreed to go with me to the doctor’s appointment, and I agreed to go to the prayer meeting at her church, Harvest Bible Chapel. After contacting my doctor, and graciously receiving an appointment, since someone else had cancelled. My appointment was at 10am. Then I contacted Madison, a home educated teenager that I call on to watch Nathanial occasionally, and asked if she wouldn’t mind watching my son. She happily agreed to come sit with him. Then I made a quick call to cancel my health and wellness appointment for the day. After all my calls were made, I walked into the schoolroom to see if Nathanial needed any help with his school work. As I entered, he promptly brought, clutched in his small hands, his spelling words and phonics worksheets, neatly finished. With a grin, he said, “I was waiting for you to read ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ with me. Did you like the pancakes?” I quietly nodded, though my conversation with Laura had proved so long that I forgot to eat. As my son snuggled on my lap, I read soothingly to him for half an hour. As I began dozing off, the doorbell rang, and Nathanial took off like a shot to answer the door.
“Madison’s here, Mama! I am going to play chess with her, Okay?”
“Okay,” I called out. Thoughts of pain permeated my entire being… ‘Why, Lord, did You take my Mama? Why did You take my husband? Why are You taking me? What will happen to my son? If You are a God of love, as I have heard, can’t You heal me?’ My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell ringing a second time, so I grabbed my purse and went to answer the door. After a brief greeting with Laura, she insisted on driving me to my appointment.
Sitting anxiously in the doctors’ office, Laura said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Looking at my friend bewildered, I began to ponder her saying. “Do you want to be healed, Renee?” I see you are heavily burdened. God can heal you. Do you believe that?” Oh, I did want healing. I wanted my burdens gone. I wanted to have joy and peace. So, I nodded. As my friend began, “Renee, we are all sinful people, deserving of God’s wrath. As it says in the book of Romans, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Just then, Dr. Pratt entered the exam room, and looking compassionately at me, he spoke, “Renee, I am sorry it has taken me this long to get the results of your blood work back to you. I am afraid I have some bad news for you. You have a cancer known as Leukemia, which affects the blood system, and therefore is the most destructive. We do have treatments that can eliminate the cancer cells, but it is a long process, and you will lose your hair. Would you like to schedule an appointment for two weeks from now?” Sheepishly, I nodded.
After taking the appointment card from my doctor, my friend Laura helped me walk to her car, for I was in a swoon. “Hey, Renee,” Laura said swiftly, “I’d like to stop and pick up some lunch for you, your son, your babysitter, and myself. Would that be alright?” Nodding, I gave her a weak smile, as the reality began to overwhelm me. My friend is always so kind, and willing to help out those in need. She certainly isn’t like anyone I ever met before. Well, at least not since grade school. There is something so different about her. I would like what it is she possesses, but what is it, I reasoned within myself.
Then while we were gathered at the dining room table at my family’s little cottage, Laura neatly arranged the food she picked up at the cafe onto plates on the table. She asked if she could pray a blessing over the food, to which nobody objected. After Laura left, my son gave me a big hug and walked Madison to the door. Left with my thoughts, that one phrase Laura had spoken to me earlier came to mind, ‘Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’ So, that evening, my son Nathanial and I were picked up by my friend Laura, who drove us to the prayer meeting. At the beginning, the pastor taught about salvation, and how we were all sinners, who never stand before a holy God. He taught us that by no works of our own could we ever hope to attain salvation, and go to heaven. Then he spoke of some wonderful news, about a Savior, who suffered and died for me, so that when I believed in him, I could be in a right relationship with God. Then the Pastor offered an invitation to anyone who wanted to be free of their burdens, to come to the alter and the church would pray for them. Quickly I made my way forward, and fell down weeping, crying out, “Lord Jesus, please save me. I know I am a sinner, and I have turned away from You in my deepest sorrow. Please forgive me.” After the Pastor and some women of the church prayed for me, and I had repented of all my sins (selfishness, pride, harboring grudges against God, letting go of past hurts, and too many more to name right now) and joyfully accepted Christ as my personal Savior. Realizing how unworthy I was of God’s grace, I wept tears of joy. God literally sacrificed His own Son in order to save mankind. A sense of peace flooded my soul.
As Laura dropped me and my son off at our house, I thanked my friend profusely for never giving up on me. She turned before leaving and spoke, “Renee, it was God who never gave up on you. I was just a tool in the hand of the Maker.
The weeks passed by slowly, and I endeavored to enjoy every bit of time God had blessed me with. I went to my scheduled oncology appointment. Dr. Pratt had ordered a second blood test to find out how the cancer had progressed before chemotherapy treatments were to begin. Oddly, when Dr. Pratt came into the exam room, he had a bewildered look on his face, as he responded, “Renee, I don’t know how to tell you this, but after doing your blood work, I can’t see any trace of the cancer. This is a miracle.” A warm smile came across my face, as I thanked the doctor and drove home. Driving home, I was now filled with a sense of awe and purpose. From that day on, I was determined to serve the Lord, wherever He placed me. One week later, I got a call from the Children’s hospital, asking if I wouldn’t mind volunteering some time with the children. I happily agreed.
I can tell you what a joy it was for me to minister into the lives of these little children, whose very lives were stayed at the hospital. These children had one thing in common; they all had cancer. My now 11-year-old son, Nathanial, who had recently accepted Jesus Christ as Lord, and Savior, went with me to the children’s hospital to help minister to these little children. I had so many little friends’ here at the children’s hospital, and was enabled to read to them bible stories, and put on little plays. As I sat reading to a small toddler, named Mildred, who snuggled on my lap, I felt a tug on my sleeve. Looking down, I saw little Joey, a 3-year-old Leukemia patient, had become my little shadow. He mentioned to me, how he wanted to be able to play baseball with his daddy, and he wanted to grow up and help people, just like I was doing. How that melted my heart. I told him that Jesus loves him very much, and that it could be possible. Thinking back, I now realize how pointless my life used to be. With Christ at the center of my life, I now have a purpose, and my son is learning to live for the Lord and others. All my thanks and praise goes to the Lord of heaven.
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