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Part 1– Joy and Sorrow
We have closed the door to the first half of the year 2014 so I have taken a break from my usual activities to reflect. So far 2014 can best be described as ‘bittersweet’ in my experience.
Joy–The Sweetness:
New Fellowship
Our church had a time of thanksgiving in the early part of the year. We utilised it as a way of celebrating a year since attending our new place of fellowship. We also had the opportunity to celebrate (as part of the National Marriage Week in February) our 14th wedding anniversary. We re-affirmed our wedding vows alongside other married couples in our church.
Birthdays and Anniversaries
I’ve also had the opportunity to share with family and friends as they celebrated birthdays or anniversaries. They included a special couple who have become dear to my family, two of my sisters, my mother, my aunt, four of my cousins and my husband. The month of May brought most of those celebrations.
More Celebrations
In March we celebrated the publication of my first title, ‘Embracing Forgiveness’, with the foreword written by my husband. I also had the opportunity to celebrate with my husband in June as he was recognised at work as an inspirational leader. Our son was accepted in the high school of his choice and Vince and I started using our gifts to serve the Lord, in our new place of fellowship.
Sorrow–The Bitterness:
Sadly, one of the birthdays I would usually celebrate in May, was that of my dearly departed aunt, the late Grace Jennifer James (17th May 1955 – 14th January 2013). It was a painful process looking at a telephone number I could not come to delete from my phone and instead of making a call to wish her a happy birthday, I only had memories to cling to.
Late March I received a phone call notifying me of my father’s death. With that phone call went my dreams of ever meeting him. He was buried on the 27th April 2014. Three days after my father was buried, my granduncle died and it began to feel like a season of mourning. On May 27 when I would normally be celebrating my sister’s birthday, I was attending my uncle’s funeral. And that is just the few I would like to share as part of this article.
Moving into the month of June, I began to think of the personal loss my husband and I faced a year ago, and the diminishing hope of our family being extended. Nevertheless, we know that God is in control and we continue to keep our minds focused on Him.
There are other pressing issues which can further damage relationships if we do not exercise wisdom in covering the nakedness of those individuals. So we continue to pray for God’s direction in those matters. We have seen Him at work in other cases and we know He is faithful and will complete that which He has started. It is in situations such as these, where our faith is tested and we are reminded that we are mere humans and cannot do what only God can do. I am then reminded of my human limitations and that God is in control and will bring it all together in His perfect timing. Although it continues to hurt, such pain drives us to our knees and closer to our Creator.
Part 2–Reflections
Despite the prolonged grieving process, the celebratory theme continues.
At our place of fellowship:
A year ago, we were just getting to know the people in our fellowship, yet they came to our rescue and helped us to cope with the loss we had to endure. Each service I have attended has been like respite for me where I left feeling recharged and ready to face the next challenge. Cards, flowers, prayers, email messages, phone calls, face to face verbal encouragements and hugs have encouraged me on the journey towards healing. One of the members also brought me a home-baked cake along with flowers. I am indeed grateful for the evidence of God’s love through the individuals in our fellowship.
My husband’s achievement
Towards the end of June, I had the opportunity to celebrate with my husband as he was nominated for the ‘Inspirational Leadership Award’ in the National and Regional Awards 2014. He received ‘Runner up’ in the ‘South East Regional Awards 2014 for Her Majesty’s Courts & Tribunals Service'. I’m so pleased for him because I remember the years of early service when he just wasn’t enjoying the work he was doing but since being transferred to where he now is we’ve been able to see the changes in his whole attitude towards work and receiving this acknowledgement helps him to know that he is going in the right direction.
Embracing Forgiveness
In March I published my first title and experienced the birth of ‘Embracing Forgiveness’. Ironically, the journey began out of the pain of not knowing my biological father and shortly after it was published and released to the general public, my father died. He didn’t get to read it. Then shortly after that my grand uncle (the man who walked me down the aisle) died also. I now believe the publication of the book was a tangible way of closing the door on the past pain from being a neglected child. Now my prayer is that other fathers who have failed to invest in the lives of their child or children (those who will find the book in their possession) will get an understanding from my experience, the damage it does to their children and do not make the same mistakes my father did. It is never too late to make a positive change in the lives of your children. The same goes for mothers who have neglected their children.
In the June 19th issue of the ‘Writer’s Forum’ magazine, I saw the publisher’s advertising page featuring ‘Embracing Forgiveness’ and it has started to feel real. It brought joy to my heart knowing that I could have given up on the process and no one but me would have benefitted from the inspiration I received and the lessons learned on the journey. But I was encouraged by many and I am happy that I pressed through the obstacles that surrounded me and completed the first stage of the process by getting the book published. I now need to move to stage two in organising a launch date so that others are aware that it exists and can benefit from it.
Moving forward
Leaving our last place of fellowship was a major change that had occurred. Healing had to take place before we could move forward. It took the miscarriage for me to deal with the pain of that transitional process and eventually close that chapter of our life. Our year at our new fellowship has helped in bringing us to that place of healing. I never thought I would teach again or even volunteer to do anything in the early stages of my new ‘church’ life. My confidence in my God-given abilities had taken a hard blow. But with the help of two wonderful ladies and a very supportive leadership team behind us, Vince and I are now part of the teaching team at our church. I am also singing with the praise team, utilising one of the talents I had previously hidden. To God be the glory!
Through the grieving and healing process, God has provided a network of silent prayer-warriors around us. We also have a couple from that praying team who have been helping us to stay focus on the greater plan. They gently guided us with God’s Word when we were at a crossroad (unsure which way to go next, yet knowing we could not remain where we were). They have been such a blessing in our lives that they are like family members now. I had a minor accident in June and the female half was the one I shared with after the conversation with the doctor who referred me to the hospital (A & E). They offered to take me to the hospital which I accepted. I am indeed thankful for the on-going support we have from this couple who have contributed greatly to the process of healing over the past few years.
Step by step I am getting stronger and gaining a better understanding of my faith journey. Day by day, I am growing in the knowledge of my Lord and Saviour. Moment by moment I am learning more and accepting the fact that He uses my weakness to show His strength. It is whilst at my weakest that I am reminded that I am nothing without His help. He has been using individuals from my fellowship, as well as friends and loved ones to help me stand strong. To those wingless angels I dedicate this poem by Helen Steiner Rice, from her book, ‘Moments of Friendship’:
The unexpected kindness
from an unexpected place,
A hand outstretched in friendship,
a smile on someone’s face,
A word of understanding
spoken in an hour of trial
Are unexpected miracles
that make life more worthwhile.
We do not know how it happened
that in an hour of need
Somebody out of nowhere
proved to be a friend indeed.
For God has many messengers
we fail to recognize,
But he sends them when we need them
for his ways are wondrous wise!
So keep looking for an angel
and keep listening to hear,
For on life’s busy crowded streets
you will find God’s presence near.
In His Service.
Janice S Ramkissoon
9th July 2014
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