Poetry
Jesus is Killing Me
You know...that old me...with all the shackles and chains on her life.
You know... that old me...who wants to rant and rave and have fits and pity-parties, so she can have her own way.
You know...that old me...who is proud, and conceited, who has exalted herself above the knowledge of God.
You know...that old me...who is jealous, and full of strife and unforgiveness.
You know...that old me...who is self-centered, self-endulgent and fearful.
You know...that old me...who is insane...Doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result.
Oh!...thank you Jesus... you're showing me little glimpses of the promised land.
So, help me, Lord Jesus...Please...keep killing that old me.
Because I know...those shackles on her feet...keep me from going where you want me to go.
Because I know...those chains on her wrists...keep me from doing what you want me to do.
Help me, Lord Jesus...Please...keep killing that old me.
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Keep writing - all for His Glory, Margaret
You said you're putting your toe in the water, I suggest you put both feet in, and once you get used to the temperature, put your whole body in! Be encouraged.
Elgin
I think you did a wonderful job of connecting with your reader. My biggest comment would be I found the ellipses a tad distracting. Your words were so powerful that the... drew me away for a split second. I appreciate it as a literary tool but think using strong words that summon emotion in the reader is far more effective than using punctuation -- especially the exclamation point --which I know you didn't use but often people do, or all caps.
I also stumbled a bit when you switched from first person to third. I do understand the reason behind (actually I did that too in my aforementioned story when I referred to myself as a little girl lost personality, I did call that part of my personality her) So I get it but it still made me stop and reread to see if I missed another person. The words are so lovely and I could really relate to them. It is a beautiful piece and I'd love to read more of your work.
brilliant writing need to do more
thank you for spending time to read my works. Blessings of Light. advisor4
Then your actual article was very good. I found myself echoing your words. Only very quick critique would be to say I'd change this part from itself to herself: "who has exalted itself above the knowledge of God." That made me stumble a little.
Other than that, I like the angle you came from for this. It shows a mind that can think outside the box, and that's essential for creative writers.
Keep writing (and yes, do jump into the Challenge). Deb
What a wonderful title followed by a wonderful piece of work.
I thank you on your comments on one of my pieces. I prayerful and hopes that the fawls in my spelling and grammer is corrected. So, that I can have wonderful work.
Felisa