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TITLE: Unconditional Love By Kristie Derksen 04/27/07 |
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The cold nipped at Jack’s ears as he lay staring up at the open sky, the stars winking mysteriously. A gentle caress warmed his frozen cheek, as he lay motionless in wonderment. It was such a beautifully clear night. An artist’s most prized creation.
Life had been so crazy lately, that he hadn’t been able to find the time to just stop and breathe. Mainly because he didn’t want to give the memories a chance to plague him. He had forgotten how peaceful things could be. Silence pressed on his ears as he lay motionless.
A sharp, high pitched noise echoed in the distance, jarring him out of his reflective trance. The noise gradually grew louder as the flashing lights drew closer, the ambulances’ horn instilling compassion in his heart for the poor soul it was searching for. Silently, he sent up a prayer for the helpless victim, then realising midway through what he was doing, cut it short.
Religion just wasn’t part of who he was anymore. It had been once upon a time, but no longer. God just didn’t fit into his busy life, nor did he deserve to. Life was just fine as it was. God had already stolen his greatest treasure, the last thing he needed was God to take away the simple pleasures of life that were left over.
The ambulances bright lights, flashed across his face. Evidently it had come to rest on the side of the road, directly beside the field he lay star gazing in. Looking toward the direction of the lights, he began to study his surroundings and it startled him. A huge car accident had left pieces scattered across the road, an unrecognizable vehicle lay in shambles, the windshield smashed straight through.
Paramedics raced towards his direction, stretcher and medical bags ready. Kneeling next to him, Jack tried to tell them to leave him alone, but nothing but a gurgle escaped his mouth. Confused, he tried again, this time the vibrations sent sharp pains shooting throughout his skull.
“Sir, please remain calm and please refrain from talking. We are going to get you to the hospital as quick as we can.” What were these crazy people doing? Poking and prodding him. Can’t a man star gaze in peace?
After securing a neck brace around his throat, they gently lifted him onto a stretcher and over to the ambulance. On the short bumpy ride towards the ambulance, he fought to remain conscious. Hearing voices to his left, he strained his ears to listen.
“…the other car… woman and baby… dead on impact…” He could only catch a few words, but he could clearly understand the sentence.
“It’s always the drunks that survive.” That he could hear clearly. Who was this drunk they were talking about? A woman and her baby gone just because someone couldn’t hold there alcohol. It was probably her idiot husband. What a waste of a man.
Suddenly the stretcher hit a huge bump, violently shaking Jack’s entire broken body, moaning in pain, everything faded to black.
***
A steady rhythm of beeps broke into his drug induced state, causing him to awaken. Opening his eyes, darkness still consumed him. Trying once again, he felt as if he was peaking through the blinds in a window.
“They say your eyes will remain swollen for a time, but they will eventually heal.” The strong feminine voice announced. Unmistakably his mother-in-law. Oh, how he hated that voice.
“Have you come to rejoice in my agony Ann-Marie?” he asked cynicism already raising its ugly head. This woman tended to have that effect on him. “Because if you have, take a picture and leave.” His voice sounded so weak, uncharacteristically quiet. Man, I’m thirsty.
Rising out of her chair, she walked out the door.
Relieved, yet oddly sad, he lay in silence, feeling utterly alone. No one else had come to see him. Not that he was surprised. Ever since Maggie died, his only friend had been the bottle. And that friend hadn’t been invited to this particular event, unfortunately.
“Can you open your mouth?” Oh, that irritating voice again. Obediently, he complied. Placing a straw between his lips, Ann-Marie commanded him to drink. And again she was met with obedience.
The cold water splashed down his throat, filling him with gratitude. Gratitude he refused to express.
“Good!” Ann-Marie said, wiping the excess water from his chin. Sitting back, she studied him. His face was covered in black and purple bruises. His eyes swollen shut. “So how you doing Jack?”
Jack laughed bitterly, which quickly turned into a body shaking cough, causing him to regret the sentiment. “How do you think I am, woman?” he grimaced, trying to swallow. “I’m doing great.” he responded, shooting sarcastic daggers at her through the slits of his eyes.
“Glad to hear it.” She answered ignoring his sarcasm. “Your corvette is trashed.” She said, matter-of-fact.
“Whatever. I’ll get a new one,” he murmured, “that’s what insurance is for.”
“Do you remember anything about the accident, Jack?” Suddenly the previous night came rushing back to him in a flash.
He had been at the bar, which was nothing out of the ordinary; it was the how he dealt with his wife’s passing, he drowned Maggie’s memory with alcohol, although it never fully worked. When finally the bartender refused to sell him more alcohol, he walked out, enraged, jumped into his brand new corvette and took off. The last thing he could remember was he was on his way home, and then the recollection stops. The next thing he knew, he was star gazing in a field, reflecting on his life
“Well Ann-Marie, I went out after work, and then drove home. Then I woke up in a field, with paramedics poking at me.” He cleared his throat. “That about covers it.”
“Well would you like to have the missing pieces to the puzzle?” she asked, raising one eyebrow in question.
“Not particularly, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.” He said, closing his tired eyes.
“They told me your alcohol level was way over the legal limit.” She paused. “There was a head on collision. A woman and her baby… you…” he blocked her out, not wanting to hear the rest, but instinctively knowing what had happened.
A silence fell between the two. Finally, Jack could no longer keep his thoughts to himself.
“How do people believe that God has everything under control. It’s a joke. A huge, cruel illogical joke.”
“Why would you say that Jack?”
“If God knew what he was doing, you’d think he would interfere in the lives of those he supposedly loves.” He fell quiet for a moment.
“He does.”
“No he doesn’t! He allows the lives of the innocent to be snuffed out, and evil to prevail. Like he took my Maggie from this world, yet allows me to live. I don’t deserve it, and she did! It’s all twisted. I don’t get it! It doesn’t make sense.” He thought for a moment then blurted, “The only thing that makes sense is that there isn’t a higher power and everything that happens happens because this world is irrevocably screwed up, along with the people in it!”
“The Lord knows what He is doing. And he does save the lives of those he loves. Our Maggie is in heaven with her heavenly father, basking in his love. And he saved your life because he loves you too, uncontrollably, but he isn’t finished with you yet.”
“No. He can’t love a depressed drunk. I don’t deserve it. I’m a murderer. I’ve taken lives.”
“The bible says, ‘For God so loved the world…’ are you in the world Jack?”
“Yes.” He quietly answered.
“Then there is your answer.” Ann-Marie reached forward and swept the damp hair away from Jack’s sweat dampened forehead, “I’ve never stopped praying for you. I still love you like my son, and I will continue to be here for you, whether you accept it or not.”
For weeks following the accident, she did exactly that. She continued to care for him with a love he refused to accept, and prayed for him with a fervency she didn't know she possessed. It wasn't until his final day in the hospital, that his mother-in-law's love for him finally impacted his heart.
She entered the room as she always did, with a grin on her face, eyes twinkling, with a string of light babble. But this time, at the sight of her, tears rose in his eyes, as he watched his Mother-in-law’s caring face.
She was the only person who had yet to abandon him. The only friend and family he had left. And suddenly he understood. The answer he had been looking for sat as a prime example right in front of him. A perfect example of unconditional love. Even though he had rejected her, hated her, and ignored her, she never stopped loving him. And as a creature of God, how much more the Father’s love was for him. Suddenly a memory from his past swept through his mind.
Maggie stood on the platform at church, beaming, while hundreds sat in the congregation waiting for her angelic voice to begin its song. Finally, her soprano broke the silence,
“How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He would give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure…”
Coming back to the present, her voice still ringing in his ears, he looked over at Ann-Marie.
"Thank you." he said simply,his heart wrenching in his chest, while reaching his arms out for her comforting embrace. And moving forward, her heart singing, she gladly gave it, praising the Lord.
"Whatever happens Jack, we'll go through this together with the Lord guiding our steps."
And so for the first time since losing the love of his life, he felt free.
Lifting his eyes to the heavens and gathering up all the strength he had left, he brokenly whispered,
“Father, thank you for giving this wretch another chance at becoming Your treasure.”
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