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TITLE: Unworthy By Ryan Reach 01/02/07 |
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As Joe walked into the park, he could feel the thick, plush grass beneath his feet. In front of him sat a brightly colored pirate ship in a sea of sand. Sitting on the pirate ship play set was a young boy kicking his feet back and forth. Joe noticed something heavy in his right hand. He looked down just as his right hand started to rise. His right hand and arm now outstretched in front of him, Joe saw the black gun in his hand. Joe walked over to the boy and aimed directly at him.
“Go, boy, run!” screamed Joe.
The boys blue eyes sparkled and his mouth widened into a smile as he held out a toy car to Joe.
“What are you doing, get out of here!”
Joes face now moist as sweat rolled off his forehead and temples. He could taste the salt as tears streamed from his eyes and crossed his lips.
“Please, please, go” said Joe desperately.
As Joe pulled the trigger, the sound of the gun pierced his ears.
Joe sat straight up in bed, drenched with sweat, struggling to catch his breath. It was the same nightmare Joe had repeatedly since the accident. He quietly wept as he thought about that night he had been to a fraternity party. It was New Year’s Eve and he had celebrated by drinking with his friends. He decided to drive home. His friends had tried to stop him, but he didn’t listen. The young boy’s family was on their way home from a prayer meeting. The boy had died instantly, the parents had survived. Joe only had minor injuries, but his life ended that night. He was arrested and sent to jail.
“Joe, are you ready?”
Joe turned to see the face of his only friend, Brother Mike. Brother Mike had been the prison chaplain for the past two years.
“Not really,” replied Joe.
“Do you still have the address of the halfway house I gave you?”
“Yea.”
“You go there and they will help you find a job and get you off on the right foot.”
“Thanks, Brother Mike.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll be praying for you, and remember God loves you no matter what you think.”
Joe sat quietly as the echo of Brother Mikes footsteps faded as he walked down the hallway. Today was the day he was being released from prison.
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The bus smelled of diesel fumes as it rumbled to a stop in front of him. Joe climbed on board carrying a manila envelope with all of his earthly belongings. As Joe sat down, he opened the envelope. Inside was 100 dollars in cash, a white legal size envelope with his name on it and a small blue New Testament from Brother Mike. He pulled out the envelope, turned it over and stared at the sealed flap. All these years and he could never bring himself to open it. It was from the parents of the boy he had killed. He knew what it said, but he didn’t need to be reminded how horrible he was. Joe quickly shoved it back into the manila envelope like it was covered with a contagious disease. He turned and stared out the window; the gray lifeless buildings passing by his window.
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After several bus changes and a three block walk, Joe finally stood in front of the halfway house. It was a run down house badly in need of a paint job and repair work.
Who I am kidding? I can’t just start over. This is a joke. My life isn’t worth anything.
At that thought, Joe turned and walked down the street.
A couple of blocks away, Joe camp upon a church. It looked like it was white at one time, years ago. Now it was a faded gray. Over the door was a sign that read, “Sinners Welcome.” Not really thinking about what he was doing, Joe walked up the steps and slipped the door open. The room was dark and smelled musty. There was a little bit of light streaming through the stained glass window at the front of the sanctuary. Joe quietly stepped inside and found the back row. He slowly sank down into the old wooden pew.
Maybe I should read the letter. I can’t feel any worse than I do now.
Joe slowly took the white envelope out and held it between his two shaking hands.
Why am I so scared of this? I already know what they think about me.
He slipped his index finger under the flap and slowly pulled the end of the envelope open. With two fingers he reached inside and pulled out the folded piece of paper. As he unfolded the letter, he saw the words on the page. He began to sob uncontrollably as he read the words on the page.
“We FORGIVE you and God LOVES you!”
All this time he had been forgiven. If only he would have known it sooner. Forgiven and loved, just like Brother Mike taught in the Bible study. Joe never believed it could be real, but know he had hope. Joe fell to his knees and for the first time began to pray to God asking for His loves and forgiveness.
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