TITLE: Suicide Being Alone
By Anne Harrell
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Chills ran down my spine last night when the telephone rang. It was a call from my sister. “There’s something I must tell you about!” “Have you heard yet what happen a few days ago?” I had the feeling that something had happen bad, when I heard the quiver in her voice. “Anne, Roger is dead!” Cathy telling me he was gone rang through my head for awhile. Cathy went on to tell me “he was found in the Appomattox River Saturday evening.” “The police think he had committed suicide.” “There weren’t any apparent signs of foul play.”
I couldn’t sleep after Cathy told me that Roger was dead. Every time I tried to close my eyes to sleep I would see Roger before me. I couldn’t help but think about what was going through his head when he was taking his final breaths. Roger had mental health issues that had affected his whole life. He wasn’t sure that he was loved by anyone. He died alone with no one there to hold his hand. He died a very lonely man.
For many years now, he has been running from himself. No where to lay his head without worrying that someone would come after him. He had been in and out of mental hospitals. The last I heard before he died, he was living in a group home where life was starting to prosper a little. He had actually gotten a job which made people think he was happy. But apparently he wasn’t happy inside of himself.
His medications had finally been adjusted where he was feeling fine and wanted to start making something of his life. Roger’s problem for many years has been when he realizes that he was feeling good; he felt he no longer needed the medication. He was not aware that he was feeling fine BECAUSE the medication was working. Before you knew it issues would arise once again. This time when he stopped his meds, no one knew until he was dead.
I can’t help but to go back and think about his last hours that led up to him taking his life. Numerous things must have been going through his head when he was standing before ending his life. It was the middle of the night and no one knew he had left home when he went to the bridge to jump. Did he know God? Had he been speaking to God when he wanted to die? Did he hear voices saying that he was no good to where he figured that he would be better off dead so go ahead and jump? All those questions have run through my mind. The most painful thing is he died alone. No one was there for him or to hold is precious hand and keeping him from jumping.
God, why did you let this happen? Why didn’t you send your angels to break the fall? Why didn’t you let someone from the group home find him before he got to the bridge? Why wasn’t the group home watching him more closely? Where were you God when all this was happening? Were you sitting back in your corner and telling him to do what he pleases? God didn’t you care about your special child? Where you there to welcome him home to Heaven? Were the angels there to help him when he was in despair?
Lord, now I realize that you were there with Roger when he jumped. You were there and were crying with him when he cried he couldn’t take anymore of this life here on earth. You had sent Your angels to be with him when he jumped. You were there to welcome him to Heaven when he took his final breath. You saw that Your servant was weary and torn down to a frazzle. You knew it was time to bring Your servant home to Glory. You told him when he was jumping that from this moment on he would not suffer anymore. You picked up Your servant and carried him in Your bosom to Heaven, to be with you forever.
Lord, please help the other Rogers that are here on earth that have not yet taken their lives yet. Help them to know You. Help their families to see that help is needed. Please place someone in their lives that will walk beside them holding their heads up high. Lord, please have taken Roger to Heaven with you. May he be at peace now in your home of no pain or worry.
Many families have someone who is mentally ill or mentally handicapped. They are often treated by their families badly almost as if they are not human. Many families want to place them somewhere where they are out of the way. When they are out of sight they are out of mind. It is when they have a fare up that the family hears about them and then it is “just stay away from me. Go do your thing” Families just don’t want to be bothered with them. These special people are just to much trouble and an embarrassment to them.
We need to see them who they really are, God’s special children. God has placed them here among us for a reason. We need to show them the love of Christ. They are no different than us. They just have a few problems that cause them to not be able to do for themselves and act inappropriate at times.
Roger, God has given me the peace that you are with Him in a place where there is no more suffering and pain. You are no longer under the curse of mental illness. You are free from medications and hospitals. You can now think straight; a place where there is joy in your heart. You are now carefree . Enjoy the freedom you have newly found.
Lord we just lift up all the families that have been affected by suicide. Touch each family member and let them know that you see what has happen. Comfort them. Give them peace beyond understanding. Shine Your love upon them today. Give them peace in the mist of the storm. In Jesus Name, Amen
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