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TITLE: A Nation of Gossips
By becca rooks
02/28/06
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Its always been a common practice for bettering oneself. Read the news, watch the news, KNOW the news!!! So, embracing the current mania for self improvement, led by the ever popular Dr. Phil, I set out on a campaign to do just that. Of course, though, it was done in my own skeptical way. Where would this world be without its pessimists, right? ("In la-la land," thinks the morose conspiracy-theory individual. "They're all blind, I tell ya, blind!) Any-hoo, back to the point.

In a half-hearted attempt to place myself in the intellectually superior caste of "news knowers," I began running the news in the background, while engaging in my morning book-reading habit. (Or obsession, if the truth be told.) Now, I am one of those people who can chew gum and walk at the same time, as the saying goes, so don't think this less effort than it truly was. After all, I'm female, we're famous for our multi-tasking capabilities, or at least should be. (Alas, such skills are still taken for granted.) Needless to say, I have been gaining knowledge from this endeavor. However, I'm beginning to question either the abilities of reporters today, or my brain's selective functioning.

Such tid-bits that I've gathered, while I'm sure found wildly fascinating by some percentage of the general population ("sheep I say, they're all sheep!") I've found to be lacking in what my highschool speech and debate teacher termed "substance." Sure, the requisite "who-what-where-when & why" are there, but its the content of the who & what that really concerns me.

Of course, there have been snipits of import interspersed with the sesationalist element. If not, I would defenitely be questioning my own mind's processes. As that is not the case, I'm inclined to chalk it up to the reporting ("they're all in on it, I swear!") Amongst the knowledge that our president wants to turn over a port to foreigners, and Hussein has employed a hunger strike (gotta love the peaceable demonstration from the murderous fanatic!) as a form of resistance, I've enjoyed such riveting details such as the storage unit of Paris Hilton's that was auctioned off due to non-payment. And, have you heard? Brittany Spears might be guilty of child endangerment! Defenitely ground-breaking stuff of national importance!!! Who cares about the possibly mislabled measurements on infant medicine droppers? Or the young woman that's been missing from Orlando Florida for weeks? Posters around town are good enough, I'm sure. I mean, after all, complete detailed coverage of the lotto winners and their spending plans is so much more important.

What juicy gossip have you heard lately? Pray tell.
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