TITLE: Even the Elect: an account of spiritual abuse Chapter 3 By Debbi Migit 06/18/14 |
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Deception of the heart
The sounds of children's laughter floated through the open window near where I sat. Barb's children were outside with Alex, playing in the sprinkler. Barb's oldest daughter was a great babysitter, so I felt comfortable indulging in a mommy-minute. Barb's homey kitchen was filled with the smell of warm banana bread, and my mouth watered as Barb placed a slice in front of me. A moment later she added a large glass of sweet tea and then sat down across from me.
We both took a moment to savor the warm bread and then Barb said, "I noticed you talking to Jack last night, after small group had ended." I tried to think back to the previous evening and then remembered. "Oh right. Jack had a dream the other night and he wanted to get my thoughts about it." I sipped my tea and glanced out the window to check on Alex.
"Yes, I noticed you two talking after church last Sunday, too." Barb gave a sly smile and I flashed back to seventh grade and Patti Crowder sing-songing, "I think someone liiiikes you" .It seemed a little inappropriate, since Jack and I were both married. And not to each other.
"Yes, I guess we did talk then, too" I said slowly.
Barb gave a quick nod and smile. "I am so glad," she said, simply. My confusion increased.
"I'm not sure I understand what you are saying," I replied. "Jack and Grace have been our friends for years, of course I talk to him."
"Yes, but now you are talking about things that matter." Barb leaned across the table and watched me intently. "I know that Phil isn't really interested in dreams and some of the other things God is showing you. Jack is. Gary and I have both noticed and we are really happy for you both."
My confusion began to change to alarm. "Barb, I'm not sure what you think is going on..." my words trailed off as Barb caught my hand a squeezed it.
"It's ok!" she reassured me. "This is a good thing!" Barb hesitated and then said, slowly, "Gary and I believe that God brings people of the opposite sex into our lives, to meet emotional needs our spouse can't meet."
The hand holding my next bite of banana bread paused in mid-air. " Excuse me?" I squeaked out.
"Think about it," Barb said earnestly. "Isn't it nice to be able to talk to Jack about your dreams...and not just the sleeping kind.?"
"I guess so," I said, "But I do have you and Joy for those kind of conversations."
"Of course you do!" Barb agreed. "But isn't it nice to have a man's perspective sometimes?"
I took a long swallow of tea. For some reason my throat was suddenly very dry.
"Well, if you remember, I have a man. I think you have met him. His name is Phil."
Barb laughed and patted my hand. "Phil is great! But we both know he is not really the best listener. I've seen how Jack really focuses on you when you are sharing. He is giving you an affirmation that Phil can't-or won't"
"And you believe this is a good thing?" I questioned quietly.
"I believe it is a God thing!" Barb emphasized her words with a tap on her glass of tea. "It takes the pressure off of Phil to have to be everything you need all the time. Jack can meet emotional needs you have had for years. God loves you and wants to bring you to wholeness in every area of your life. He is using Jack as part of the process."
A squeal from the back yard interrupted our conversation. I looked out the window to see Alex crying and I hopped up to go to him. My mind was whirling with what Barb had just said. I knew that what I had just heard was not God's way. The term 'emotional adultery' was ringing in my spiritual ears.
But as I drove home that day, I also heard other words Barb had said. Words that stirred a deep longing in my heart. "God loves you and wants to bring wholeness in every area of your life." This was truth.
Gary and Barb were our pastors. Sure, we were the same age, and actually Phil and I were older in the Lord than they were. But, I reasoned, God had called Gary and Barb as pastors of our church and I needed to recognize that authority, right?
No, I didn't believe that God placed people of the opposite sex in our lives to meet emotional needs our spouse couldn't meet. But I really did desire wholeness in broken places of my heart. It was very confusing.
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