Encouragement

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As I am sitting in this dark room all alone, I wonder how long still, how long do I need to suffer? My eyes turn to the dark window I know just beyond that curtains there is the light of the street lamps, they lid up the dark tar road that seems to go on forever.

How I want to stand in that light and see everything clearly. But if I do that every one will see how dirty I am. I think it is the darkness’s way of marking me, so that I will never leave him, I think he is just as lonely as I am. I can feel his long fingers on my shoulders holding me back, making me even dirtier.

My eyes turn to the other side of the room and I can see a bright light beam coming underneath the door. I want to place just the tip of my toe into it… I need to feel how it feels…I need to feel the warmth on my skin even if is just once.

As I try to reach the light with my toe I think of the man that came to visit me the other day, he was so bright and clean I was to afraid to look at him. Daddy said that I have to listen to this man he will make me happy again. I listened to what he said but I did not understand a word he was reading to me, or what he was trying to say to me.

…Almost there just a little further…

The man said that I should call the name of Jesus if the darkness is holding me down again, but every time I try the darkness stop me by strangling me with those big and dirty hands of his.

…Maybe I should call for mommy…

No I cannot do that she is still mad at me, everyone is mad at me. I don’t know how to say I am sorry. No one believes me that I was not near the street when it happened; I was talking to Jamie my invisible friend up in the tree house, not even Jamie comes near me these day’s, Oliver was playing at the bottom of the tree he is to little to climb up the tree so I made a mud puddle for him to play in wile I was up in the tree. I only heard the cars. By the time I got to the road I could only see Oliver’s feet at the rear of the car and mommy screaming for help. That was the day the darkness placed his hands on my shoulders the first time.

…I wanted it to be I and not Oliver, sweat baby brother not even three yet…

How will I ever get clean?

Dear Lord help me, I need to get back to the light, I need to be able to laugh again and not feel this shame.

What’s that? Wait where is the darkness going? No I am too dirty He cannot see me like this.

“ Child dry your eyes, come into the light for the dirt on you is no longer there, it never was. Come to Me so that I can make your broken heart whole again. Come to Me and you will never be lonely again.”

I can feel the light around me I cannot see any dirt any more it was an illusion from the darkness, it tried to trick me. I am happy again, I will never forget Oliver and we will play again one day when it is my time to go to my Heavenly

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