Other
"I don't really want to
go, tonight,
Lord."
(Sigh.)
"Tell Me,
child."
"Well.....for one thing...
it's dark, and COLD*."
[NOD.]
(Sigh.)
"I'd rather just stay
HOME."
[NOD.]
"Yes, My child."
(Silence.)
(Frown.)
(Sigh.)
"But, I want you
to go."
(Whiny, screechy voice.)
"WHY?"
[SILENCE.]
(Whinier, even screechier voice.)
"WHY?
WHAT FOR?"
[SMILE!]
"CUZ."
(Cranky frown!)
"YEAH?
What's THAT?"
[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Child, one day you
will learn
Who I AM."
"The One Who
gives me AGGRAVATION
and HEARTBURN?"
[CHUCKLE.]
"I could say the
same thing,
My precious!"
(Burst out laughing!)
"Hey......SERIOUSLY,
LORD!"
(Grimmace!)
"I don't like when
they TALK about
all that STUFF!"
[PATIENT NOD.]
"I know,
My child."
(Grimmace!)
"If they say
'those little black hats',
ONE MORE TIME!"
[NOD.]
"ONE MORE TIME!"
"Why don't you
speak up,
My precious."
"Who........ME?"
(Stare, open-mouthed,
up at the ceiling.)
"Are You KIDDIN'?
I have trouble being
ASSERTIVE with a
couple a' scruffy CATS!"
[SOLEMN NOD.]
[SIGH.]
(Wave hand impatiently.)
"Tell somebody ELSE,
to do it........
NOT me!"
[PATIENT SILENCE.]
"FORGET about it!"
[PATIENT GAZE.]
"Why don't YOU
say somethin',
LORD?"
"I already have."
"WHEN?"
[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Read My Word,
child."
(Impatient wave of hand.)
"Yeah, YEAH!
I KNOW!"
[RUMBLE.]
"OKAY!
I'm SORRY!"
(Ornery glance at ceiling.)
"I'm just CRANKY,
is all."
"Oy vey."
(Smile!)
(Sigh.)
"I just get TIRED of
that stuff, LORD!"
[NOD.]
"They think all JEWS
wear these 'little black hats'
and have 'long, curly BEARDS'!"
[SILENCE.]
"It's RIDICULOUS!"
[LONG LOVING GAZE
AT EXTREMELY CRANKY CHILD.]
"My Dad never had a beard,
in his LIFE!"
[PATIENT GAZE.]
"And, they call 'em
YAMUKAHS!
YAMUKAHS!"
(Smirk up at ceiling.)
"Where did these guys
grow up, ANYWAY?
In a CAVE?"
[LONG PAUSE.]
"Who is being
judgmental,
child?"
(Yell up at ceiling.)
"ME!
THAT'S WHO!"
[SIGH.]
"I love you,
child."
"YEAH?
What's THAT
got to do, with IT?"
[PATIENT SILENCE.]
"YEAH!
Well, Ya SURE gotta
strange way ......a'
SHOWIN' IT!"
[PATIENT SILENCE.]
"If You LOVED ME!
You would'a MADE ME
.......an ESKIMO!"
[SMILE!]
"YEAH!
I could've fought
against MUSHING**,
and all that HUNTING
STUFF!"
[SIGH.]
"And.......
(Thoughtful squint.)
and, I could've gotten
to see the AURORA LIGHTS!"
[NOD.]
"SO?
Why DIDN'T Ya?"
"CUZ."
"Yeah."
(Sigh.)
"I'm probably too
whiny, to be an
Eskimo, anyway."
(Sigh.)
[SMILE!]
(Sigh.)
"These folks are nice,
Lord, but.....they got this
real WEIRD impression
of Jews: like, they're
all real RELIGIOUS,
or somethin'!"
(Smirk!)
"It's SO WEIRD!"
[SMILE!]
"YECH!"
[SYMPATHETIC NOD.]
"Yich!"
[PATIENT NOD.]
[WATCH A FLOCK OF
GEEZE ON THEIR WAY
TO SAN ANTONIO,
FROM NORTHERN
CANADA.]
"I really don't want to
go."
[NOD.]
(Sigh.)
"Wear your other
coat tonight, child."
(Cranky frown!)
[GENTLE SMILE.]
"It's cold out."
_____________________
*For San Antonio.
**Dog-racing in Alaska:
used with a sled, and a
bunch of real tired,
worn out dogs, who sleep
out in the cold, run for
miles against their will,
have sores on their
feet, and get smacked
with a whip. Some
of them die in the race,
but at least their people get
to win a lot of money.
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