Humor
At times, the gracious Mistress of the Parsonage mistakes me for an actor and I don’t think she means I look like some famous actor. At least our conversation has never drifted off into what actor she thinks I may look like. Some things should never be explored, especially if it’s with your wife concerning her opinion of you, the husband.
To be perfectly honest (and nobody’s perfect), I am never acting and I couldn’t act if my life depended upon it. Where she comes up with some of these ideas is one of those mysteries that only God in all His wisdom can figure out, so I’ll just leave it with Him.
Let me give you just a little example of what I mean. If my wife has said it to me once she has said it a thousand times (but who’s counting), “Quit acting like a goof.”
Actually, the joke is on her. I’m not acting.
This brings me to an important consideration, the answer, which could be quite disturbing for Yours Truly. It all boils down to this: Does my wife think I’m acting, or does she in fact suspect I am a goof?
I don’t much mind the former but the latter gives me a little bit of anxiety. I could handle the acting aspect of the consideration. Actually, it would be quite flattering to think someone believes I’m an actor. There’s nothing wrong with being an actor. Many fine people make a living by acting. Of course, there was Mr. Ed.
If I thought she believed I was acting, I would smile, shrug my left shoulder, raise my right eyebrow and not think too much more about it. I would take it in good humor as a phrase of endearment, and all’s well with the world.
However, and this is a large however, if she thinks I’m a goof, something is going to have to be done about that.
I have given some serious thought to this subject. For years it has bothered me not a little, I can assure you. It’s one thing for someone to think you are acting like a goof, but it’s another thing altogether if they suspect you’re not acting but in fact are the real thing and are just trying to be polite about it.
According to the dictionary, the word goof is as follows: “A stupid or silly person. To err or fail clumsily.” This definition caused me to pause and reflect on my life. I can never remember any time in my life when I aspired to be a goof as a lifelong ambition.
This certainly gave me some food for thought, mostly baloney.
As far as I know, it’s not against the law to be goofy, but experience has taught me it is rather inconvenient – especially if certain people (like the M. of the P.) are under the suspicion that you are goofy.
The problem, as I see it, boils down to one thing. Is a person born goofy or does a person acquire it through time? If I am born goofy, then there’s nothing I can do about it.
Quite discouraging.
If, on the other hand, I acquired it along the way, then there might be a chance I could shuck the whole business.
After giving this some consideration on my part, I have acceded to the fact that I just may, at certain times, on some days, seem to act goofy. Okay, the situation may be broader than I think and if this is the case, what in the world can I do about it?
Nobody knows how much my goofyitis has cost me through the years. Surely somewhere, someone has developed some kind of therapeutic cure for goofyitis sufferers.
Under the assumption that I am afflicted with the dreaded goofyitis syndrome, I needed to do something about it.
Having nowhere else to go, I asked my wife, which only proves how far the disease has progressed with me.
Her solution was something she called behavioral modification. Fortunately for me, she explained the whole concept.
What I needed was to take a rubber band and put it on my left wrist. Whenever I had any goofy thought or was tempted to do anything goofy I merely snap my wrist with that rubber band.
Every husband learns something new about his wife almost on a daily basis. I had no idea my good wife was an amateur psychologist, and it’s a good thing for me she is.
One week later I had gone through three dozen rubber bands and my left wrist was swollen twice its normal size. I then began to reconsider the whole situation and felt goofier than before.
Snap! Ouch!
Then it occurred to me. My wife thought of this.
Snap! Ouch!
Another thought occurred to me. I was the one with a swollen wrist.
Snap! Ouch!
As I was rubbing my swollen wrist, I thought of the apostle Paul. He once wrote, “For I think that God hath set forth us, the apostles last, as it were, appointed to death: for we are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men. We are fools for Christ’s sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised.” (1 Corinthians 4:9-10 KJV)
My good friend and spiritual mentor, the Rev. Frank Simmons, had a favorite saying: “I am a fool for Christ, who’s fool are you?”
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