Healing

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You have controlled me for most of my life. This has caused unimaginable inner torment and emotional pain. Anxiety, you have worked hard on me for years now. It is clear that your goal has been to take me away from myself.

You have so far robbed me of the freedom to be the woman God created me to be. You have caused me to live captive to fear of everything. I have been smothered by fear as a result.

It seems you think you have won by making my world smaller and smaller over time. You have been like an all consuming fire. The flames have swallowed me up with panic and fear so severe.

So often, I thought I would rather die than live in my small world alone with the attacks. You have successfully blungeoned me viciously over and over trying to break me. Yes anxiety, I have suffered an incredible amount of physical and emotional torment since you came into my life. Years of my life have ebbed away into the distant past.

For so many years I never understood you or even knew you to be the spirit of fear and anxiety. Once I knew you to be just what you are the worst came to be. You were more vicious than ever before and I was completely captive to you.

Agoraphobia is just a name medically given for this condition. It is the worst and strongest hold you can have on me. The good news is I now know who you are. I have been working hard learning about how you operate inside of me.

Mysteries of anxiety and fear are unmasked and I now can see your many faces. I have come to realize that you are not as powerful as I first thought. The many hidden truths about you are now unveiled.

Now, too many years later I am beginning to walk away from you. I will walk boldly in faith and do it afraid. I don't care, you will lose your hold over me.

The empowering thing is that I will make you powerless with God's help. You will be forced to gradually let go of me. You will become small and almost unseen.

Already I am reaching deep inside of me allowing my repressed feelings come to the surface. There will come a day when I will completely throw you out! Anxiety be gone you are losing your power.

I have already begun to overcome, I have surrendered you to God! You are my burden and He takes my burdens I should have surrendered you to Him sooner. Around the corner lurking is the victorious day when I am going to be free from your clutches and throw off the anxiety chains!

Then, I will lock you out forever just as you have locked me in. My life will be restored and I will be made whole. Healed in full and restored to me will be all the years the spirit of anxiety and fear stole.

Often it is at times when I am suffering the most that I am largely inspired to write. This writing came as a result of such a time.
I wrote this in the fall of 1998

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