Christian Living
Kevin Jarrell
(poeticflight)
Posted: 8/21/03
Humbled, he sits in the shadows of our world in thought. His memories, of a life that is no more, dance as demons upon the stage within his soul. He hears the symphony of passion and joy through laughter as the orchestra plays within his mind. Tunes from a time when true love embraced his vibrant heart, which now lies shattered and cold in the man that was.
And we... we are but passers by whom look away, avoiding the reality that we too could be another page written in his book of life. A story which we have never read,yet react as though, by fault, his chapters are stained with sin and unholy truths. Do we dare attempt to read a book with such a tattered and weathered cover?
We walk past without a word, leaving him amidst the shattered bottles from attempts to drown the pain. Tomorrow I believe I will sit down in anticipation and try to open that book and read a verse from his world.And with careing and understanding, I may find my name written in his next chapter entitled "Friend", and a bright future we both shall see. Sitting in the shadows of your world, The Wineo and Me!
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In your 2nd verse, it should be 'who', not 'whom'.
'yet react TO' would read easier.
In your third verse, what about 'amidst the shattered bottles - his attempts to drown...'? Last verse - Consider: 'Perhaps, with caring and understanding, I may find my name written in his next chapter entitled, 'Friend'. Then, a bright future we both shall see, sitting in the shadows of your world, The Wineo and Me' In your first verse you say 'our' world, here you say 'your' world. Should it not be 'his' world, since throughout it would seem as if you are speaking to a third party? Just a thought.
I found I had to read this through a few times before it really made sense to me though - this
can be a drawback. Sometimes, we think that because something makes perfect sense to us when we write it, the reader will automatically understand it. Be careful
of that.