Family

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Husband/Wife time, Parent/Child time, Family time….they’re all important. I believe there’s another, equally important one, too, which is often over looked- Sibling time.

The sibling relationship is something that’s extremely important to me, and over the past few years, God has burdened me to share what I’ve learned with other “broken” sibling relationships. Our siblings are people we will spend the rest of our lives with. They’ll be there when you marry, when there’s a death in the family, when there’s a new birth. They are also the best training ground for marriage, jobs, ministry, and whatever else God may have ahead for you! Getting to know these people is one of the best things you’ll ever do in your life!

Besides spending time all together as a family, we also like to spend time together just as siblings. I think both of these facets are important- it’s definitely a must to learn to function together as an entire family, but hanging out with just your siblings is fun- and effective, too. If you’re an older sibling, you can have a huge amount of influence over your siblings. When they see that you take time out for stuff- both serious and fun- with them, they’ll respect your opinion. I’m already seeing this at work with my own siblings. The best time to gain their respect is when they’re young. If you’ve never taken your siblings relationship seriously, and your younger/older brother/sister is 17, there’s still hope! However, it’s a lot easier to gain the respect of a 2 yr. old, or even a 10 yr. old, than a 17 yr. old. If you/they are older, a lot of forgiving patience will probably be the key. It won’t be a one-time fix-it shot. You’ve spent 17 years ignoring or playing them down. It’s going to take time (and a bit of stubbornness!) to bring your relationship to its fullest potential. I guarantee you, though; it’ll be worth every moment spent!

When talking about the best way to “witness” to non-Christians, it is often suggested that you just spend time with them. Invite them out for coffee; don’t put them down and so on. When they see you reaching out to them, no strings attached, they’ll respect your opinion. They’ll be much more open to hearing about the faith you have in you. Likewise, our siblings will be much more likely to listen to us when we lead by example, and show that they are important to us.

In this article, I’d like to share some of the things we’ve done, in hopes that it’ll give some of you ideas. These are in no way “must-do’s” or “the law”- rather, a group of ideas, for those who need help getting started.

Anytime we older kids wish to do something, like play a game, watch a movie, or just talk, we usually wait till the little guys go down, as life becomes slightly less-hectic. Recently, Mom and Dad had to go to a late-evening dinner engagement. Typically, when they go out, they go early, and get back by 8 at the latest, but this time, they were going to be gone till around ten. Our little guys go to bed between 7:30-8:30, so we had quite a bit of time with just the 4 of us (me, Brenden (14 ½), Brogan (11 ½) and Brooke (10). We looked forward with great anticipation to what we’d do when they left. The boys had gotten a movie earlier that none of us had seen before, and all agreed looked good, so we decided on that being our evening activity. At 8:30, we grabbed left-over pizza, blankets, and headed to the couch. On this particular night, we felt the strong bond between the 4 of us even stronger. I’m not sure what it was- maybe just the coziness of being the only ones in the house, excepting those sleeping. As we laughed hysterically, sat on the edge of our seats together, commented throughout, and later discussed our opinions of the film, there was a sense of “belonging”- these are my pals, we’re having the best of times together.

Another late-evening activity we enjoy is playing games. Risk, chess competitions, Yatzee, word games…we’ve played them all! We especially enjoy the games that make you think.

Then, there are the deep nights and walks- when we really talk. Doing “fun stuff” together, has opened them up to talking to me. I’ve heard my brothers’ very deepest thoughts. Multiple times before, my 14 yr. old brother has come to me before anyone else, seeking my opinion. This is a huge responsibility that we have! I can influence decisions he makes now, that will affect him for the rest of his life- for better or worse.

We also like to spend time with all 8 of us together. A week or so ago, my siblings took me to a “hideout” they call their own. We live in a development, but behind it are several cornfields. Back of that is their “Tepee Village” and “Castle City” buried in clumps of trees. As we all hiked up the neighborhood, and behind the cornfield, we had a great time telling jokes, discussing books we were reading, talking about plans for the next few days, and taking pictures. It was great to just be together.

I also like to spend time with just the little kids. We play with play dough, make cookies, weed the garden, read books, tell stories, and roll on the ground… They love being the center of your attention! Don’t for a moment believe that just because they’re young, they won’t notice whether you pay attention to them or not! They know when you’re really listening to their “dream”, which happens to be the very same your 12 yr. old brother was telling earlier…strange, is it not? Take time to pay attention to even the youngest ones. They won’t stay young for very long, and then you’ll miss them!

Another mix-up I do is just my sister and I, or just the boys and I. Occasionally, Brooke and I have tea parties, and other girly things. This often opens up opportunities for her to talk, if she wants to. We do other “girly” things- scrap booking, craft parties, and so on, as well as her helping me cooking, garden, and going on walks together.

Last week, I was headed to the shower late in the evening, and popped into the boys’ room to say goodnight, assuming they’d be asleep by the time I got out. A quick goodnight became much more. We talked for 5 or so minutes, and eventually I made myself comfortable- it was obvious that it wasn’t going to be fast. One of them made a comment that deserved a lecture, which in turn brought on a light-bulb moment. (“Seriously? Girls actually think like that? I had no idea….”). Honestly, I don’t even remember everything we talked about- but our tongues were moving pretty fast, because 45 minutes had passed before we knew it! I kept saying I needed to get going, but it always came to nothing, as another good topic was hit upon.

These past few weeks, I’ve been struck by just how wonderful my siblings were (did I ever tell you they’re the best 7 kids in all of Ohio?!), and how much I loved them. Take time out to enjoy the little things with them. Some of you, especially those that have read my articles in other magazines, might note that there seems to be a huge emphasis on fun in here. Yes! Life isn’t about “having fun”- it shouldn’t be our focus and goal of each day- but fun in and of itself isn’t wrong, and can even be a good thing. Spending your day having fun just for yourself wouldn’t be God-honoring. We aren’t here to lounge through life, or go to every party, and worry strictly about having a good time. Our purpose is simple: to glorify God in all that we do; to be a witness for Him; to become a Godly generation; and to raise future Godly generations. All of this plays out in different ways, of course, for each of us. Through all of that, God doesn’t intend for life to be drudgery- love what you do to serve, live life to the fullest, and throw in some fun! In spite of not wanting to have a self-focused view point, many of these “suggestions” are great ways to reach your siblings. Through these many, diverse things, you’re sending a message to your siblings- I care about you, I love you, and I enjoy being with you. Often, it would be easier for me to accomplish things from my “to-do list”- finishing an article, working on a chapter, doing the dishes, finishing a dress- than to sit down and play a game, or watch a movie, or go on a walk. But more important even than finishing this article is being there for my siblings, which includes just hanging out.

I pray you’ve been blessed and encouraged, and maybe even gained a few new ideas! Feel free to contact me with any questions, comments or criticisms! I’d be happy to share more about what I’ve learned, and what I’m learning, or hear your feedback of any kind. God bless you as you continue on the journey!

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