Encouragement

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WHAT I LEARNED FROM DESPICABLE

PART 1: HOW GOOD CAN IT GET?

It was a miracle day. It was the day I became a mother. My Precious Child was premature, so I didn’t get to hold her. I turned my head, and there she was laying just two or three feet from me. Her eyes were wide open as she adjusted to the shock and the beauty of the brilliant light that brought new meaning to her world. She had a beautiful little face and her arms and legs were reaching and wiggling, exploring the empty space that she was experiencing for the first time.

And in that moment I was forever changed. There was a love that welled up in my heart that I had never experienced, that I had never imagined. From that moment on, my own existence was secondary compared to the marvelous wonder of this new life that was forever entwined with mine.

And the miracle continued as I saw My Precious Child’s first smile, her first step, and her first tooth. With each accomplishment, my heart was enlarged to embrace the wonders of life through her eyes, through her heart. Every hour of every day I was aware of her wants and her needs. With every ability I possessed I was devoted to doing what was best for her. Her joys were mine just as her hurts and pains stabbed my heart.

As she grew and matured, I took pride and amazement at her thought processes, at her kindness, at her imagination. As her tender heart grew and I saw her love reach out to puppy dogs, to friends, to family, and to me, it made me wonder. Can life get any better than this? And my praise reached out to God my father for blessing me with such an awe-inspiring miracle in my life.

Psalm 27:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Eccl 11: 5 As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.


PART 2: HOW BAD CAN IT GET?

I had no idea it would be such a horrendous day. I hadn’t planned it or expected it, but today I talked to someone I had hoped I would never have to speak to again. I will call her Despicable, because that’s what she is to me. I had loved her and trusted her at one time in my life. I thought the scars she left when she betrayed our relationship would be the worst that she would deal me. God, I wish it had been so! I never dreamed she would hurt the children, the innocent children. Have you ever known a child to be so physically and mentally wounded that it literally destroyed their childhood and interfered with their ability to live a normal life. The severity of her abuse is too terrible to even put into words. And it happened in my family, to my loved ones. I lived with the damage day after day, year after year.

I knew what I had to do, so I prayed God would forgive her. But, deep inside I believed if I left it up to God, she would pay for her cruelty some day. After all, didn’t the Lord himself say that it would be better for a person to have a millstone hanged about his neck and cast into the sea than to offend one of his little ones. I know God loves us all, but Despicable had done all of the very things He hates.

It was too much for me to figure out. God would have to decide what was right or wrong to do with Despicable. I could pray to forgive, but how could I ever forget. I surely never wanted to say or do anything that would make it appear that what she did was “okay”. The harm she had done did matter. I just decided not to think about her any more and devote all of my attention to the children. The years passed.

And then it happened. Through a strange set of circumstances I heard her voice speaking to me on the phone. I found the courage to be polite and not let any of the pain show until I hung up the phone. Like a blast from a shotgun, terrible memories exploded in my mind in a myriad of directions. The anguish was as fresh as when I first experienced it. The tears flowed; the trembling began. God, will I never heal from this pain?

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. (Psalm 42:5 KJV)


PART 3: A CHANGE OF HEART

The next morning, I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. My mind wouldn’t be quiet, and my thoughts were a torment. As a distraction, I grabbed the control and snapped on the TV. A worship program was playing one of my favorite songs. The music, the peaceful secnes and the scriptures that flashed on the screen began to settle my thoughts. When had I started focusing on my problems and letting them take priority over God’s love and promises for me? As I thought of the Father’s love for his children, I began to think of my Precious Child, my delight. Those thoughts were trampled out like dying embers and replaced by ashen memories of Despicable. As I struggled to push the thoughts into oblivion, the Lord interrupted with words of His own.

“Think of your Precious Child? Would you sacrifice her life to save Despicable?”

My heart stopped. My loving, sweet daughter with her spontaneous, contagious smile was a blessing to everyone she knew. How could I possibly ever think of sacrificing her life for someone who was so selfish and cruel? Despicable didn’t give a thought to hurting anyone and everyone she knew? I wanted to scream “NO-O-O-O!” But, my Father spoke again.

“My only begotten, beloved son was safe beside me in Heaven. His devotion to me was my constant joy. I didn’t have to send him to earth, but there was only one way the price for man’s redemption could be paid. It required that a spotless, perfect lamb be sacrificed for sin. I asked Jesus to leave all of the glory, all of the splendor of Heaven to go to earth. He suffered the frailties of man while personifying the love of his Father to mankind.

“My Child, again I ask you, could you give your daughter’s life to save Despicable?

No, I wasn’t capable of that depth of love, but I was beginning to realize that God was incapable of thinking in any other capacity. It is impossible for Him not to love Despicable, because God IS love.

“In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus cried out to me. He pleaded in agony until his sweat turned to blood . He asked that if it were possible the cup of suffering might pass from him. I wanted to deliver him. I wanted to answer his prayer. But I turned and looked at the empty, hollow lives that didn’t know the meaning of love. With compassion that couldn’t be denied, I heeded the cries of those that were lost and had no hope. Their only chance of redemption was to allow my Son to be tortured, rejected and suffer death. Jesus looked at Despicable and a million more like her, and He LOVED her enough to die for her.

“My Child, I won’t ask you again if you would give your daughter’s life for Despicable. I know that you cannot. But I want you to see into my heart and know that my love for Jesus is greater than any human parent is capable of comprehending. When my Son understood that I was not willing that any should perish , he was obedient to me, even to death on the cross .

You have thought of my love as only a beautiful word. Now, open your understanding. Now, feel it’s depth.

In that moment, God’s spirit began to fill me. I felt a depth of affection, tenderness, total acceptance, joy and serenity that words can’t describe. All I can say is that it was pure, holy, infinite love, and I was forever changed. How could He who was perfect love so much? How could I with all of my faults and failures feel I had the right to stand in judgment of Despicable, a barren soul in need of God’s mercy? I asked God to let the love I was experiencing become a part of me, to let me learn to love as He loves. I will continue to hunger and thirst for that prayer to be answered because, having tasted of it, I cannot live without it.

And now I understand that if Despicable never repents and she must meet the fate of God’s harshest judgment, the Father and the Son will still grieve over her eternal destiny. God’s love for us demands his tender compassion. Still, no matter how much God loves us, his holiness cannot be tainted by allowing sin in any way or He would no longer be righteous. Oh, the sorrow of the perfect love of God.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. .For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. (1 Cor. 13:11-12 KJV)


WHAT ABOUT THE PAIN?

Even as I accept God’s mercy for Despicable, my heart is still burdened for the damage done to my family. Children that have been severely abused usually aren’t capable of seeking healing until they are in their 20’s, 30’s or sometimes even later in life. I have prayed for them fervently but have only seen the prayers partially fulfilled.

I have always found strength in the scripture that promises that all things work together for good. I have learned to take all of my bad circumstances and dedicate them back to God, and at times I have seen awesome results. My constant prayer for the damaged children has always been that God would make them better, stronger people because of the things they went through. I know it will take God’s miraculous intervention to answer that prayer. By faith, I trust God that it will happen.

My grief is no different from anyone else’s that has suffered great loss. Every day we hear of abuse, rape, murder, and on and on. I cringe at the words and question how anybody can be so hard hearted to commit such horrible crimes. The pain can be debilitating. I want to know why, but I don’t have the answer. I don’t know if these wounds in my heart will be healed in this world or in the world to come, but I take comfort in the Lord’s concern for me. I remember that Jesus wept when he saw Mary and Martha’s anguish at the graveside of Lazarus.

But, I still feel a greater need for peace. There is something missing, and I don’t even know how to put my prayer in words. I looked to the Lord as the Great Shepherd and asked him to lead me to green pastures and still waters. It wasn’t long before a scripture came to my mind, and I knew it was the answer I was seeking.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. (1 Peter 5:7 KJV)

Such simple words, but why had it been so long since I had done that. I had tried to stand strong and not question or complain through the difficulties of life. All the time Jesus was waiting to reach out and touch me. As I began to pray, hurts that had built up over the years began to come into my mind. It reminded me of the waves that wash up on the seashore and one by one disappear.

How do we cast our care upon the Lord. We must envision the problem in our mind; expose and experience the pain that has been buried; and then with our thoughts and our words give it to Him. Peace, cleanness and freedom of spirit will work a miracle of healing in body, soul and spirit.

As the healing comes, hold on to Jesus. It took a while for me to get in this shape and it’s going to take more than one prayer to renew my soul. Thank God, nothing can separate us from his love. He just waits for us to ask.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair: Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; (2nd Corinthians 4:8-9 KJV)

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39 KJV)


PART 4: I’M STILL LEARNING

How ironic is it, that for the last few days as I have waded through the miry muck of my thoughts about Despicable, my own life has been changed. I am more aware of my own weaknesses, and yet more blessed by God’s grace and mercy. I am comforted by these words I remembered from a song I knew years ago.

His love has no limit
His grace has no measure,
His power has no boundaries known unto man.
For out of the limitless mercies of Jesus,
He giveth and He giveth
And He giveth again.

As my softened heart thinks of those that have hurt me deeply I no longer feel the sharpness of pain that I once had. God’s love has crowded out feelings of bitterness or helplessness. I want everyone to experience this closeness with God that I feel, even Despicable.

There’s a scripture in my mind that says God will give us a new name . It is clear to me that I need to apply that scripture to my own situation. I’m thinking of the woman I chose to name Despicable. I am making a commitment to continue to pray that the Savior will bring her into his fold and that she might be healed from all that brought her to this terrible place in her life. I pray that she will repent and be forgiven of her sins, and that she might find the magnitude of God’s grace and mercy.

I think I’ve learned a lot from the one the Lord calls . . . Lost Lamb.

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