Short Stories

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Just This One Time


As he hurried along the busy sidewalk, Toby was unaware of his surroundings. His shoulders were hunched in an attempt to keep out the cold, yet he didn’t even realize it. His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his long coat. The fingers of his left hand were clenched tightly around two small boxes.
His strides were long and swift on the slushy ground. His head was bent to avoid eye contact with passers by. More importantly, to avoid searching for her face. He still couldn’t help himself. He almost expected to see her coming out of any number of the quaint, little shops.
Jenna had incredible taste, along with the ability to be unpretentious. Her home looked like something out of a magazine. Yet, Jenna had never spent top dollar on anything. She had an eye for beautiful things and a gift for being frugal.
That was, until she found out that she was carrying his child. Suddenly, she was shopping in every high end baby boutique in all of Manhattan. In a matter of only a few weeks she had turned the second bedroom of her apartment into a fabulous, designer nursery.
Toby was exasperated with her. Why was she so excited? Didn’t she realize the problems they faced? That this could ruin everything, especially their reputations? What were there parents going to say? What about their friends and acquaintances at church? Everyone thought of them as the perfect, respectable couple. And, they had been, except for just this one time.
It had been his fault. He had went to visit her apartment one evening, with the thought of “being” with her on his mind. He knew that she had a rough day and was feeling low. He knew that she would welcome extra attention and love. He was just feeling so frustrated by the endless wait until they were married.
When he got to her apartment, he put in her favorite romantic movie and lit some candles. He began rubbing her feet and legs to ease her tension. He moved from her feet to her arms and neck. After a few moments he let his touches become more sensual and began kissing her. He begged her for “just this one time”, after all, their wedding was just three months away. They had waited for what seemed like forever as it was.
Jenna turned and said, “Toby, I can’t, we can’t. I waited this long because I wanted to be pure for you as your bride.”
Toby laughed, gave her a pouty expression and said, “Honey, it will still be being pure to me. It will still only be me, right? Or is there something I don’t know?”
She then laughed too, although nervously. “Of course there isn’t anyone but you. There never could be. Anything for you, only for you.” Then, she gave into his plea, he was so hard to resist.
“Just one time”, how many times had he been told, “that’s all it takes”? He was feeling a terrible remorse and she seemed to be ecstatic. What were they going to do? It just felt their dream was turning into a nightmare.
Toby couldn’t face up to his mistake. He told her that he wasn’t sure they should have the baby. Jenna was mortified at the thought of what he was saying to her. That thought had never even crossed her mind.
Together they fought and wept. There was a horrible cloud of tension that hung over their every moment together. Finally, when Jenna could not stand the agonizing silence another moment, she called Toby. She told him that although it would break her heart, she would do whatever he wanted, because she loved him. He was her world.
Toby promised that it would be different later on. It would just be this one time. They were obviously able to get pregnant easily. He promised her that after they were married they could fill their home with wonderful children. They could have as many as Jenna wanted.
The following week, they went to the clinic for their appointment. It was supposed to be over and them be home within a few hours. Toby waited while Jenna tearfully followed the nurse.
After almost an hour, Toby was flipping absent-mindedly through yet another magazine. As he turned a page, a siren of some sort sounded. He looked up to see doctors and nurses running to the back.
Toby’s heart sank, and somehow he knew that something was terribly wrong with Jenna. He ran for the door that she had disappeared through. From seemingly out of no where came a huge security guard. He blocked the door and told Toby that no one was allowed through except for patients.
“Please….” Toby begged.
“I’m sorry.” the guard replied with a pained expression on his face.
Toby could hear Jenna’s voice very faintly say, “tell him that I love him”.
Toby fell to his knees and pleaded with the guard. “Please, I’m begging you, make an exception just this one time!”
He cried, he begged, he pleaded, he prayed, “God, just this one time do something…I need you to save her!”
After what seemed like an eternity, a very stern looking doctor came to talk to him. He spoke in a very harsh tone when he did speak.
“Mr. Watson?….Mr. Toby Watson? Your wife….”
“My what?” Toby interrupted.
“Your wife,” the doctor replied. “She’s gone.” Toby didn’t hear everything the doctor said. He just caught bits and pieces, “ruptured…lost too much blood…hemorrhaging…we tried everything…she’s gone…left you something…can we call someone?”
Call someone? Oh no. He had to call her parents, and his parents. What would he say? How did he tell them that their beautiful gift from God was gone because of his mistakes, his pride, his wants…his selfishness had killed her.
“Oh God, what have I done? Why couldn’t I take her place?”
Toby collapsed into a fetal position and rocked back and forth. The agony made everyone in the waiting room turn their heads and weep also. The pain was too raw, too exposed…to close to home for each of them.
The irony being that they gave no regard for infant life, it was disposable. The death of a mother, however, was hard to deal with. It was all wrong. Toby realized this now, only he realized it too late.


Toby’s pace slowed as he approached the bridge. Each step was heavier than the last, until he reached the center. Jenna had loved it here. He sat wearily on the bench that had become “theirs”. They had come here on their first date; shared their first kiss here; he had, on his knees asked her to marry him…this was their place for sharing all of their hopes and dreams.
Today was supposed to be theirs too. This day was to have been the stepping stone towards their future together…their wedding day. His fingers brought forth the two little boxes from his pocket. The jeweler had called him only two days before to tell him that they were ready. He didn’t know that Toby’s dream had been shattered.
As he held the ring boxes, he remembered something else…the envelope the doctor had placed in the breast pocket of his coat. He had tried to forget those moments and everything to do with them. This was the first time he had worn this coat since that day. Everything was such a painful reminder.
He had finally figured out why the doctor had been so cold and harsh. Jenna had listed them as husband and wife. She had told the doctor that they just weren’t ready for children yet. The doctor had tried to get her to wait, to change her mind. She had just kept saying, “No, my husband…my husband…”. The doctor had been angry over the senselessness of it all. He was the most angry with himself for the hypocrisy of what he did. His title implied saving and guarding life, while his bank account existed because he took innocent lives. After that day, he could no longer do it, and his clinic fell apart.
With trembling hands, Toby opened the envelope, and in Jenna’s elegant handwriting were these words:
“Just one time, let me look at you.
Just one time, let me hold you.
Just one time, let me walk with you.
Just one time, let me pray with you.
Just one time, let me believe in you.
Just one time, let me confide in you.
Just one time, let me cherish you.
Just one time, just this one time…this one lifetime,
let me love you
We get just one time to live today,
just as there was only one time for yesterday.
As each lifetime has millions of moments,
we get just one time to live each one.”


Toby wept uncontrollably. It was almost as if she had known somehow. Toby couldn’t bear this burden. He stood, walked to the railing and looked over at the frigid contents of the churning river. He wanted to throw himself into the icy depths to end the misery and guilt that ravaged him.
A quiet whisper came over his right shoulder as a hand tenderly gripped his left. It was Jenna’s father. Toby hadn’t been able to face him since her death. Toby expected to see anger and contempt when he turned to look at him. Instead, he saw love and sorrow in silent tear pools.
Her father’s voice, hoarse with compassion was what Toby needed to hear as he said, “Son, and you are our son in our hearts. That will never change. Somehow, I knew I would find you here. We all loved her, cherished her and lost her. We can buckle under the weight of that loss, or together we can help each other find the strength to stand. We want to cry with you and we want to stand with you. We have never blamed you, please know that. We were young once, and we made choices and decisions that no one else understood. We’ve done things that can’t be changed.
I want to read to you something that we found in Jenna’s bible in her apartment. We are praying that you will be able to say these words from your heart and be able to begin to live again.
“Just one time, let me fall on my knees before You.
Just one time, let me open my heart to You.
Just one time, let me confess all of my sins to You.
Just one time, let me be broken before You.
Just one time, let me learn to adore You.
Just one time, let me believe in You.
Just one time, let me trust in You.
Just one time, just this one time…this one lifetime,
let me love You.
We get just one time to live today,
just as there was only one time for yesterday.
As each lifetime is filled with millions of steps,
we get just one time, to in faith, take each one.”

Unashamedly, the two men embraced and wept, their joint tears of pain finding healing and comfort. They were being given another chance to realize how fragile life can be. Another chance to realize that they had just this one time, this one lifetime to live out each moment in faith. Jenna had given them life even in her death.

ã 2006 joann harris

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