Grief

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Copyright 2005, Joshua Wood
www.btfindustries.com
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(Editorial Comment After the Fact: My wife suffered greatly as she read this article for me. She felt I didn't make a clear enough distinction between legitimate grief and the self-involved grief that is crushing the American spirit. Her words, if I may quote her imprecisely, we something to the effect that, "If I died and you didn't grieve, I would torture from beyond the grave." Touché, dearest. If my lovely wife died, I would be grieved. A lot. But, and here's the distinction, I would not wear that grief around expecting something from everyone because I'm a victim of one of life's horrible tricks.)
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Occasionally you can even learn something from television.

I was watching a somewhat entertaining despite being unusually sappy cop drama called "The District." For some reason I find this show incredibly watch-able.

During today's rerun Chief Jack Manion (Craig T Nelson) told one of his subordinates that, "When there is no longer any value given to suffering, healing is instantaneous."

Or something pretty close to that.

Simple, yet precisely accurate. I'm sure this bit of wisdom was taken from a famous general or philosopher. Jack Manion is always reading and quoting such men.

Regardless of who said it first, my question is why aren't we saying it more often?

America is many great things. But America is also the whiniest nation on earth. Despite seeing daily the images of the horrors of living in non-industrialized, non-capitalist countries, we still think we suffer more. If a child goes to bed one night in thirty without dinner, we whine that he's "malnourished." Oh the suffering. If a parent spanks a child for acting like a moron, we scream "abuse!" and seek to have that parent publicly flogged. When we publicly flog parents, we get even angrier and start calling ourselves horrible names like "Republican" and "Conservative" and "Hate-Monger."

And when we hate ourselves, isn't that the ultimate suffering?

I'm sure anyone currently living in fear of genocide, disease, communism or unshaven French women are thanking God they don't live in America where we hate ourselves.

All our legitimized pseudo-suffering provides great cover for those among us with real aches. It's much easier to cry when everyone else is. It's much harder to heal when healing is out of style. And this self-serving, "gimme" grief is an insult to anyone really suffering for any real reason.

And rather than helping the really hurt heal, we* find some reason to join the whining chorus.

We* value pain in the country. We* relish our role as victim. And we*'ll apply the full power of our trademark American creativity to find new ways to cover more people with the victimhood umbrella.

And the psychology business is booming. Maybe all this whining is good for the economy.

Good Grief is no grief.

And don't start grieving my lack of sensitivity. When grief is no longer greeted like a hero returning from war, when Oprah stops glorifying the misery industry in this country, then healing just might occur. When healing is actually a distinct possibility, then those that are truly hurting will "miraculously" (Should I say "magically" for all the suffering witches) find healing.

"When there is no longer any value given to suffering, healing is instantaneous."

We* value suffering. And so, we* suffer.

Why don't we try valuing health? Why don't we aspire to transcend suffering? Why don't we stop whining about how bad life has been to us?

Bluntly: Get over it.

And stop whining about how unfair I'm being. I've suffered plenty in my life. I grew up with curly hair when straight hair was a coolness must. I know suffering.

But you don't hear me whining about it anymore. I shaved my head and moved on with my life .

I know it seems like I'm making fun of people that are holding on to their pain. That's because I am. If you're still holding on to pain from something that happened 20 years ago, 20 months ago, 20 weeks ago, 20 days ago.. maybe 20 minutes ago...you're hurting because you want to be. You've given value to your suffering.

Maybe it's how you've come to identify yourself. In that case, you can bet that no one likes you and maybe a little identity reformation might be helpful.

Maybe it's how you were raised. In that case I would bet that you really don't like your parents in which case why are you bothering to live your life like them?

Maybe you think your suffering is nobler suffering because you're suffering for what you believe in.

Don't insult the consequences of moral decisions made by equating them with your silly desire to be pitied.

Whatever the "case," your continued suffering is a direct result of your continued choice to continue suffering.

And that doesn't make you a victim at all.

It makes you a manipulative 16 year old girl (or the emotionally retarded adult equivalent).

My recommendation (reiterated): Get over it.

Devalue suffering by trying, if only for a minute, really living.

Good Grief is no grief.

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* - I say "we" only to be polite. If anyone is emotionally healthy, it's me. I just didn't want to embarass you by pointing the finger.

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