Faith

A Journey of Faith With An Angel by My Side

by Jerry Pitts
07/05/19
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A Journey of Faith: With an Angel by my Side
by Jerry Pitts

Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, some are happy, and some are exciting; but if you never turn the page, you will never know what the next chapter has in store for you. - Unknown

Throughout our lives, we all have pivotal moments that help shape our future. These are times of great decision where we must move, else, we miss the path to which God is trying to lead us. I think on these moments as endings to one chapter, and the beginning of the next. Failure to move leaves us stuck where we are when God is ready for us to turn the page, write a new title, and begin a new and exciting chapter. On the morning of December 14, 2015, I walked into my living room, entered God's presence, and embraced for the inevitable future that was about to begin. To say it was scary would be an understatement. The most important chapter of my life had just come to an excruciating end, and I had no clue what my future might hold. But I learned a long time ago—when we place our unknown future into the hands of an all-knowing God, we will find ourselves exactly where we were meant to be.

To fully appreciate where I am today, it is essential to share this previous chapter of my life. It all started about three months after I gave my life to the Lord. I was a 26-year-old single father of two sons: Garry (6), and, Kris (4). I had just come through what was, without a doubt, the lowest point in my life. After the boy's mother and I divorced, she moved away to Colorado, leaving me to raise them on my own. After a few years, I fell into a deep depression, and it was there on a lonely night in November 1988 that I considered ending it all.  Out of desperation, my soul cried out three little words that changed my life forever, “God Help Me!” I believe it was with that cry, God gave my Angel an assignment, and the following February He sent her into my life.

The encounter happened one night when a friend from high school named Homer and his girlfriend, Pam, asked me to go out with them. Being a single parent, working full-time, and going to college at night, I did not have time for a social life. Pam, trying to play matchmaker,  told Homer she knew someone who she thought would be perfect for me. She was a single mother of a three-year-old girl named, Samantha (Sam), and since she knew I was also a single parent, felt that we might hit it off. I had no time or interest in meeting anyone—I barely had time to do my homework.

On this fateful night, Homer finally convinced me to take a break and go out with them for the evening. We went to this place called Cat-Man-Do's in Jackson, Mississippi, and I was feeling like a third wheel. I think Pam sensed this and asked me to dance. Homer did not like to dance and told me I would be doing him a favor, so to the dance floor, we went. We were in the middle of the song when I saw this beautiful redhead walk up to Pam, and they started talking. Then Pam said to me, "This is Janice, the girl I was telling you about."

Pam then said she was getting tired and asked Janice to take her place. I thought to myself, "Very slick, Pam." We danced for a couple of songs, and the music was so loud we could not hear each other. I asked her if she would like to step outside for a few minutes and talk. Well, those few minutes ended up being all night. I had ridden with Homer and Pam, and when they got ready to go, Janice and I were still having a great time, so she offered to take me home. We ended up talking all night until the sun came up. She then had to leave because she was doing a charity walk with some friends. I gave her my number, and she said she would give me a call after the charity walk was over.

My brother, Larry, and his high school sweetheart had stayed with my boys overnight and let me sleep late. When I woke up a few hours later, I was eagerly waiting for the phone to ring, but it never did. I was feeling a little disappointed because I thought we got along so well. Finally, around dinner time, she called. She apologized for not calling earlier but said she laid down for a few minutes after her walk was over and fell asleep. Since I had kept her up all night, it sounded like a reasonable excuse. We again spent hours talking on the phone. I felt like a teenager, as I had not felt so giddy over someone in many years.

The next day, Janice came over again, and we spent the day together and on into the evening. She met my boys, and they seemed to like her. As soon as she walked up, my youngest son, Kris, ran and jumped into her arms and gave her a big hug. I think it was love at first sight for those two. After spending a beautiful day together, she had to go home because her mother was watching her daughter, and she had to go to work the next day. Before she left, I asked her out for the following Friday night so we could have our first official date. She did not have a phone, so we exchanged work numbers. Every day during our lunch hour, we would talk. It was crazy how quickly I was falling for her, because I had not dated at all since my divorce several years before. I could not wait until Friday so I could see her again.  

Well, Friday finally came, and I was so very excited. Unfortunately, that extra excitement was a little more than I could take. That morning as I sat at my computer terminal, not doing anything out of the ordinary, the right side of my body went completely numb. I was 26 years old and in great shape. I had never had any medical issues, so this was scary. I tried not to make a scene because my desk was in an open area with other workers. I called my manager over and told him what was going on. He and another co-worker helped me to my managers car and took me to the doctor.

The doctor ran test after test and could not find anything wrong with me physically. He then began to ask me about my life. When I explained to him that I was a single father raising two young boys on my own, working full-time, and going to college at night, he had a good idea of what was going on. To test his theory, he gave me a shot to calm my nerves. As the medicine kicked in, the feeling on the right side of my body returned. Then, as time passed and the medication began to wear off, I started to go numb again. He then told me what I had was a stress attack.

The doctor told me that he was admitting me to the hospital immediately, and I had no say in the matter. He called my mother and told her what happened, and she agreed to keep the boys until I got out of the hospital. Then I remembered about my date scheduled in a few hours. How in the world was I going to break the news? How was I going to explain this to someone I just met?

I knew I had no choice but to call her and break our date, so once I got in my hospital room, I made the dreaded call. I knew she had probably been looking forward to this night just like I had been. I thought this would probably be the last I would hear from her. If my being a single father with two sons was not enough baggage, now she would think I had some mental problems. After all, I did not have much to offer her. I was living in a low-income apartment and drove an old Toyota Celica, which had brakes that did not work; I had to stop the car with the hand brake. I was a high school drop-out with a GED making a little over $8.00 an hour. I mean, I was not exactly what most women would consider a great catch. Because I had only been a Christian for a few months, I had not yet found that despite my shortcomings, God was at work, and when He puts a plan in motion, He sees it through to the end. As I dialed those numbers, I could not have been more nervous.

I just knew Janice would not believe me and would think I was trying to get out of our date. When I explained what happened, her response was nothing like what I was expecting. She said not to worry about it and that we could still have our date right there in my hospital room. After she got off work, she came straight to the hospital and stayed until they made her leave. She came back Saturday, Sunday, and then every afternoon after work. Never in my life had I experienced such love and compassion, especially from someone I had just met. I was a broken shell of a man desperately trying to find my way back to normal. God knew my need and sent me an Angel, just when I needed one the most.

After a week, I was released from the hospital and was able to return to work. I do not know if I would even say that Janice and I dated. From that moment on, we were pretty much inseparable. I knew early on, I wanted to marry her, and a few months later, got down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. I had bought a matching engagement ring and wedding band from a jewelry dealer my Uncle Jackie (my mother’s brother) knew. The engagement ring had twelve small diamonds in it, and Janice loved it. At the time we met, neither of us had any plans of getting married again, but as God's word says, "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord" (Isa. 55:8, NLT).

We both knew what we had was the start of something special, and on the evening of December 29, 1989, before God, I made this vow:   

I, Jerry, take you, Janice, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Little did I know at the time just how important these vows would one day become. 

Janice blessed my life in so many ways over the years that followed. On May 24, 1991, she blessed me with a baby girl who we named, Jessica, completing our family of six. Janice became my biggest cheerleader and was always there to love and support me in everything I ever tried to do. So, when it was my time to be there for her, it became my highest calling in life.

It all began on October 18, 2011. We had just returned from a cruise we had taken to Cozumel and Progresso, Mexico. Throughout our trip, Janice was having pain in her stomach that was getting intense at times. When we got back home, Janice went to the doctor. After examining her, he sent her to have a scan done, but they found nothing wrong. In the days that followed, the pain was getting worse, so she requested to see a specialist. The doctor referred her to Dr. Mercer Lee, who just happened to be the very same doctor who had delivered our daughter, Jessica. Dr. Lee, now a very seasoned doctor, gave her a comprehensive exam, and did a CT scan. 

Three days later, Janice returned to get her results, and on October 21, 2011, I wrote a post on Facebook, letting our family and friends know the results:

I know many of you have been wondering what has been going on with my wife. I did not want to post anything until we knew for sure what was happening. This Tuesday she was told by her doctor that she has cervical cancer and set her up to see an Oncologist. Before we went to bed that night, she said to me that she was scared, and I assured her that our God is faithful, and He would take care of her. Around 4 a.m., she woke up and crawled up in my arms, and I just held her while I talked to Jesus. While I was holding her, I felt Jesus wrap His arms around us both, and the Holy Spirit assured me everything would be ok. I spent extended time in God's presence yesterday just praising Him in advance for ensuring me He had things under control. Today we went to the doctor, and he seemed to confirm what I already knew, that her outlook is promising. The cancer is in the early stages, and on October 31, 2011, she will have a Radical Hysterectomy which will remove the tumors. Please continue to pray for us as we enter this season of trial and specifically pray for Dr. D. Paul Seago as he performs her surgery. No matter if God decides to heal her before the surgery or if He chooses to treat her through the doctor's care, I have no doubt our God has things under control because HE IS JEHOVAH RAPHA - THE LORD OUR HEALER!

On November 2, 2011, we left St. Dominic's Hospital, so very grateful for the things God had done. The surgery went just as planned, and we had assembled a fantastic support team who was praying for us every step of the way. When Janice returned for her follow-up scan several weeks later, the results looked good. The doctor told us that the surgery was successful. He set her up to go through radiation treatments as a precaution, just in case any traces of cancer remained. She was set up to do radiation treatments after work. The process was straightforward and did not take long. I never once heard Janice say a bad word about the experience. She seemed to love the staff at St. Dominic's Cancer Center and just did what she needed to do.

Once the radiation treatments were over, life was good for about six months, then Janice began to hurt again. Another CT scan confirmed the cancer was back. She had two more rather large tumors that had formed. This time, she had to go through chemotherapy treatments to try to shrink the tumors so that she could have another surgery. The experience was brutal and caused her beautiful red hair to start falling out. I still remember the day she asked me if I would go ahead and shave it off. Her hair had always been her trademark, and I knew she was so afraid of how she was going to look. But she just bravely sat there as I took the shearers and slowly began to shave her hair. Afterward, I remember looking her in the eyes and telling her how beautiful she was. I had gone the day before to the American Cancer Society and picked her out a long red wig, which she loved wearing.

Now that she was 47 years old, she had started coloring her hair, and it no longer looked like it did when we first met. But this wig was the same color as her hair used to be, and she loved the way she looked in it. I also ordered her a couple of shorter wigs online that looked very similar to the way her hair looked before I shaved it off. She picked one that she loved and wore it to work each day. She worked in a rather large company, and only those in her department even knew she was wearing a wig; it looked so natural and made her feel so much better about herself.

Janice went through several rounds of chemotherapy, but the tumors did not shrink much. By this time, the pain was getting unbearable, and Dr. Seago had no option but to go ahead and perform the surgery. Just like the first time, the operation was successful; only this time, the recovery was much longer because he had to open her up due to the size and location of the tumor. She recovered and returned to work, and life was going well for about another six months. Then, the next time was much like the last; more treatments, and another problematic surgery. However, this time, the recovery was even worse than the time before.

This time the incision would not close, and she had to put on a Wound Vac. I had to take on the duties of a nurse since the process was not something she could do on her own. Eventually, the wound looked like it had closed, and she was excited to be returning to work. She went to use the restroom right before she was going to leave, and as she sat down, the wound burst open, and the contents of her stomach began to seep out. I rushed to her aid, bandaged up the injury, and rushed her to the emergency room. I called Dr. Seago on the way and explained what had happened. He set her up to have emergency surgery, and by the time we arrived at the hospital, they were ready and waiting for our arrival.

Dr. Seago performed the emergency surgery and after another long recovery did another CT scan. It was then we got the devastating news that new tumors had formed. This time Dr. Seago had no choice but to try a new type of drug since everything he had tried in the past was not working. He had warned her of the possibility that this new type of chemotherapy could have some very severe side effects, and he was not exaggerating.

What made this time so bad was she never could regain her strength. She was still feeling weak when she was supposed to go for her follow-up treatment. Up to this point, we had gone along with the doctor's plan, but I had no choice but to tell Dr. Seago she could not take another round of that same drug. He agreed to try a different type but seemed very unsure of whether it was going to do any good or not. As great of a doctor as he was, I could tell that Dr. Seago had done all he could do.

It was at this point I decided to call the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I called CTCA and was just blown away with the care and empathy they showed. They set us up at the facility in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and within a few days, they arranged for us to fly out for an initial evaluation. Once we arrived, a driver was waiting to take us to the facility. Janice was so weak at this point; she had to get around in a wheelchair. Delta Airlines treated us so well and made sure our flight was as comfortable as possible. Once we landed, they took us straight to meet our driver, who took over and wheeled Janice to the car.

Once we arrived at the facility, they checked us in and gave us our schedule for the next few days. Our room was upstairs in the same building as all our appointments, so it was easy for me to wheel Janice around from one office to another. As the day began, I took Janice to get her some breakfast, but she did not have much of an appetite. We went from one appointment to another meeting different specialists and doing tests. Our last appointment of the day was with the head of the oncology department to go over her test results.

By this final appointment, Janice was feeling very ill.  As soon as the doctor saw her, she told me to take her to our room, and she would meet us there to go over our results. We got to the room, and I had just gotten Janice situated in bed when I received a call. I was instructed to take Janice to ICU immediately, which I did. She spent the night in ICU as they continually gave her different medicines to build her strength back up. What I did not know was Janice was very close to death. The doctor told me that we got there just in time because she would not have made it much longer without treatment.

I could have continued staying in our hotel room, but I was not about to let Janice be alone. I got our suitcases and moved into the hospital room with her. The oncologist met with us a couple of days later and explained to us cancer had caused a fissure, tearing a hole in her colon. The doctor told us that Janice’s best chance of survival would be to have an ostomy performed as soon as she was strong enough to go through the surgery. It took almost three weeks of daily treatments before her strength returned; she then had the operation. 

Since the surgery was laparoscopic, the recovery only took a few days, and we were able to book our flight back home. Before we left the facility, we decided that it would be best to continue treatments there in Philadelphia. We had met with Dr. Seago, and he was very supportive of our going to CTCA. He knew if there were any chance of her making it, it would take a team of specialists, and he humbly gave us his blessing. He agreed to partner with CTCA to provide any care she might need in between treatments, and this partnership proved to be crucial in the months to come.

Between May and October, we made many trips back and forth to Philadelphia. We were always treated so well and enjoyed every stay—until our last one in October 2015. We had gone out there for what we thought would be just another chemotherapy treatment and a follow-up visit with Janice's oncologist. However, when we got there, Janice's blood was deficient, and they had to do a blood transfusion before she could take the treatment. The oncologist decided to do some additional testing, and we had to remain there until Monday when the head of the Oncology department returned.

We had been flying out on Friday evening and returning on Sunday, so I would not have to miss any more work than necessary. I guess at this point we knew things must be severe, but we had no idea things were as bad as we would soon learn. The head of Oncology came into the room, and when I saw tears in his eyes, I prepared for the worse. He said that he was genuinely sorry, but there was nothing more they could do. He added that more treatments would most likely kill her, and he advised us to enjoy the time she had left the best that we could. When asked how much time she had left, he said that his best guess was 2 to 3 months.

After the doctor left the room, I just held Janice, telling her it is not over until God says it's over. I tried my best to keep her encouraged, but to say it was a difficult journey home would be an understatement. CTCA had arranged for a nurse with Hospice to meet us at the house upon our arrival. They immediately set her up with a pain pump. The next day, Hospice delivered a hospital bed and other needed items.

I rearranged the furniture so the hospital bed could be set up in the living room. Before we left CTCA, I contacted my work and told them I needed to take Family and Medical Leave since I wanted to be with Janice every moment she had left. I was not ready to give up though and was willing to try anything. I contacted MD Anderson, but they would not even consider seeing her. I investigated clinical trials, but again, there was no hope to be found. I guess it was at this point that I just decided to place the outcome in God's hands and allow Him to use me to bless her life in any way I possibly could.

Before the blessings could begin, I had some difficult conversations I needed to have, first with our children, and then with other family and friends. Once those conversations were over, I went to the Lord and asked for wisdom and strength for the days ahead. I immediately wanted to give Janice something positive she could look forward to, and it came to me crystal clear. Her dream was always to take a trip to Maui, Hawaii. I did not know how I was going to pay for it, but money at this point was not going to be a factor. I knew I had a credit card I could charge it on, and I could trust God with paying for it later.

The next day I discussed this with the Hospice nurse, and he thought it was a great idea. He said if I would make the plans that he would do everything he could on his end to make it happen. When I told Janice her face just lit up, but she was also worried about whether or not she could make it. She did not want me to spend all that money and not be able to go. But I quickly reminded her whose child she was and all the many blessings God has given us throughout this long, hard-fought war. I told her if God wanted to provide her with this dream trip to Maui, there was nothing that could stop it from happening. Our faith from day one was in our great God, and it was not about to stop now.

It is easy for us to get down and depressed when life is not going our way. But, if we want to live a victorious life, we take those seasons that challenge us and prove to the world what a mighty God we serve. Jesus said in John 10:10 that He came that we, Christians, would have a full and abundant life. This scripture became our life verse as my wife went through her battle with cancer. What we determined was, no matter what this life threw at us, we were going to live. It would have been easy for us to lie down in defeat, but my Bible tells me, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." (2 Tim. 1:7, NKJV). What that meant to us was, if we kept our eyes on Jesus, and trusted in Him, no matter how dark the days may have seemed, there were no limits to the amazing life we could have.

The war with cancer was long, one thousand five hundred sixteen days to be exact. As I remember the many battles, I could easily focus on the struggles we had, but that is not how I remember them at all. What I will never forget is the faithfulness of our God—How He was with us through every trial we endured. During all the potentially devastating times, He was always there to shield us, allowing us to live life to the fullest. What I remember most were the five times we boarded those Carnival Cruise ships and every smile it put on her face. Between 2011 and 2015 we visited some of the most beautiful places on earth, some of them multiple times, including: Cozumel and Progresso, Mexico; Freeport and Nassau, Bahamas; Key West, Florida; Belize; Mahogany Bay, Honduras; Grand Cayman Islands; and Montego Bay, Jamaica.

I remember the many Christian concerts we attended, and how, even as tumors were destroying her inside, our hands were always lifted high in praise. We saw: Kari Jobe twice,  Brandon Heath, Tenth Avenue North, Third Day, Mercy Me, Sanctus Real, The Afters, Lindsay McCaul, Trevor Morgan, Casting Crowns twice, Natalie Grant, and Chris Tomlin. These special events were things we always planned, far in advance, not having any idea what her health would be. We just knew that praising our God would be the key to victory.

But it was not always about the big trips; those were just something to look forward to in the far distance. We also took many mini-vacations to places like the Mississippi Gulf Coast; Sandestin, Florida; and New Orleans. One of my fondest memories was on our 25^th wedding anniversary when we took the Amtrak train to New Orleans. The hotel was within walking distance of the train station, and we rode the trolley cars almost everywhere we went. The first night we took a dinner cruise on the Steamboat Natchez, and the following night, we went to see the Christmas lights at The Celebration of the Oaks. It would be our last Christmas together, but it was a special one to be sure.

Our philosophy in life became this: each time we entered a storm, we would do a little dancing in the rain. It made each struggle just a little bit easier because the times of rest allowed us to rebuild our strength before the next battle began. But as beautiful as all these blessings were, nothing compared to, just a few weeks before she left for her eternal home, how God allowed her to experience Heaven on earth, as she DID go on her dream trip to Maui.

I had immediately booked our trip the day after we returned from the Cancer Treatment Center, but it was going to be a month before we could leave. A few days before we were scheduled to leave for Maui, Janice became very weak. I called the Hospice nurse, and he advised me to check her into the hospital to get blood and iron. I did what he said, and that gave her enough strength to make the trip.

Janice left the hospital feeling like a new woman and was ready for her dream to become a reality. She had asked if her girls could go with us so she could spend time with them. I was more than happy to make that happen for her. We spent three magical days on the Island of Maui where we took a helicopter tour, went to a Luau, and took a full island tour to Hana. She was in a wheelchair for most of the trip and had a pain pump attached to her chest, but to see her face light up everywhere we went was a blessing I will never forget.

After we returned home, Janice slowly began to decline. I think she realized the end was near and she gave me the most precious gift. It was one I did not recognize at the time, but in the months to come, it would become my saving grace. It happened one morning as we were sitting in the living room having our quiet time with the Lord. Janice had just finished her time of prayer when suddenly, she looked over to me and said:

I want you to promise me three things when I'm gone. First, I want you to guarantee that you will not be angry with God for taking me from you. Second, I want you to find new love; I don't want you to spend the rest of your life alone. Third, I want you to promise that you will continue serving the Lord. Will you make me these three promises?

I told her the first and the third I could make, but please do not ask me to promise the second. She just smiled, and we went on throughout our day. At the time, her request made no sense. I was as close to God as I had ever been. So, why was she so worried about me? You see, in my current frame of mind, I had no clue of the impact that losing her was going to have on me.

A couple of weeks later, Janice woke up one morning and seemed very confused. She was standing on the side of our bed, and her pain pump had fallen to the ground. She was unable to communicate to me what was going on; all she could say was, "Help me!" I picked her up and carried her to the hospital bed in the living room and called the Hospice nurse. He advised me to call an ambulance, which I did.

Once we arrived at St. Dominic's Hospital, she seemed to know who I was but still could not communicate. They checked us into a room, and after further tests, the doctor came and told me we were near the end. The staff at St. Dominic's Hospital took such great care of us. They had one large room on the floor and allowed us to move there so family and friends could say their final goodbyes.

In all, she stayed with us for nearly five days allowing family and friends time to come by. I'm not sure if I slept more than a few hours since we arrived at the hospital; I was not about to let her take her last breath without me by her side. On December 29, 1989, I had made a promise that I would love her till death do us part, and that was one vow I planned to keep.

On her final night, everyone important in her life had come to see her except for her father. He said he could not bear to see his baby girl like that. Since the first day we arrived, they had started giving her medication so she would not suffer, and she was lying there unconscious. But, finally, he found the strength to come, and that was probably the hardest thing I have ever seen in my life. I sat in the back of the room as he approached her; he then began to fall apart. The family tried so hard to console him, but it was just too much. 

I was an emotional wreck at this point, just trying not to fall apart. Then Janice's mother broke me when she told me how grateful she was for everything I had done for her baby girl the last four years. She knew that to every doctor visit, I went; for every hospital stay, I slept by her side. I made her a promise early on that we were in this war together, and I would never leave her side. I knew I could not hold it in any longer, so I stepped into the restroom and proceeded to fall apart. I knew everyone in the room could hear me, but it was simply beyond my control.

After I gained my composure, I returned to the room and apologized to everyone. I told Janice’s mom how very appreciative I was for her kind, heartfelt words. The family stayed and visited for a while longer, then each said their final goodbye and left the room. Some planned on revisiting the next day, but I believe Janice had held on for as long as she possibly could. Now that her father had come, it was time for her to move on to her eternal home. 

It was the morning of December 11, 2015; after a long night of watching and waiting for her to take her final breath, she finally did. God gave us as perfect of an ending as we could have possibly wanted. I sat on one side holding her right hand, and Jessica sat on the opposite side holding the other. She took one last breath, and I saw this peaceful look that told me she was gone. Into the arms of Jesus, she went. I gave her one last kiss and called for the nurse. I looked over at my baby girl, and she had tears falling from her face. I went to her and held her in my arms. I knew neither of our lives would ever be the same.

Jessica and I returned to our home in Hazlehurst. She was still living at home at the time, and I was trying my best to hold it together for her. Sam met us at the house, and she and Jess offered to go to the funeral home and finalize the arrangements. I told them I would start working on her obituary. That was something I never could make myself do while she was still alive.

After they left, the first thing I did was the very thing Janice asked me not to do; I screamed at God asking him why he had to take her from me. I mean, if there was ever a Proverbs 31 Woman of God, it was she. Janice had faith like no one I had ever known. If anyone deserved divine healing, it was my Angel. With tears streaming down my face, I let it all out, until I could cry no more. I then went to my room and fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later, went to the place where I usually have my quiet time, fully expecting the windows to Heaven to be closed. I mean, I had just gotten through screaming at God and felt ashamed for the way I had behaved. But, instead of anger, I was met with the sweetest spirit of love. I just felt like God had wrapped His loving arms around me, and there in His gentle presence, I began to write her obituary.

Once Janice’s obituary was complete, I was an emotional mess. I remember the girls walking in and giving me the details of the service, but they could see I was not in a good place and gave me some space. I did my best to hold it together for them but could not contain my emotions. I went to my bedroom and proceeded to fall apart.

I do not remember anything beyond that. I woke up early the next morning feeling lost. I knew my only hope was to get into the presence of God. I went to our usual meeting place, and as I sat there, I had this overwhelming need to talk to my Angel. I did not know if she could hear me or not, but there were things I needed to say. So, there in the sweet presence of God, I typed the following message which I posted on my Facebook wall: 

Daddy, could you please get this one last message to our Angel for me? 

Good morning my Angel. This is the first morning we have woken up in different places. I know that you are in a place of no more sorrow or pain, and for that, I am grateful. The peaceful look you had, as I held your hand, and you took your last breath, assured me of that. There are no words to express how much I miss you. I really hope you cannot see me. I know I am a mess right now, and can hardly type for this immense pain of losing you. I just pray that you know how much I have loved you. This deep pain is only because you meant absolutely everything to me. You were my world, and I have no idea how I will go on without you. But, if I know you, you are already praying for me. That is the one thing that I know will never change.

You would be so proud of the girls. They have helped me so much. When we got home yesterday, after I wrote out your obituary and tried to select some of our favorite pictures, they let me go to our room and fall apart. I know Jess heard me, but I just can't seem to hold it in. This pain is so much deeper than when we lost Kris. But, I know Daddy is going to help me through this, so you have nothing to worry about. Speaking of your obituary, I am sorry it was not better. It is so hard to write with my heart where it is right now. But, I did make sure people knew what a treasured soul you were here on earth. The girls have completely handled your funeral arrangements, which has taken such a burden off of me. Garry sent me a message and said they were bringing him in from offshore so he will be at your services tomorrow. 

The outpouring of love people have shown has been tremendous. I cannot seem to read too many messages right now but will read each one in time. This is just so much harder than I imagined it would be. But, they say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I know this is true, and I am grateful for every faithful second that you honored me with your presence. I was not worthy of an amazing woman like you, yet God blessed me with you anyway. Daddy, thank You! 

Sweetheart, I promise to make sure your story is told and told right. As soon as my heart is ready, and God lets me know it's time, I will begin writing my next book about your personal journey. Please ask Daddy to let me know what you want to be shared from your journal. I have no idea what you had written, but will read it when I feel I can.

Wow! This spirit of peace just rested on me. I have a feeling you had something to do with that, didn’t you? I knew you were still praying for me! Thank you, my Angel; always looking out for me! I better try to end this letter while I am in a good place. But rest assured, this will not be our last conversation. You will forever hold a very special place in my heart until the day it stops beating. Then, we will be together again, and what a day of rejoicing that will be.

I cannot wait to see the place Jesus picked out for us. I just know it is amazing. We lived a humble life here on earth, but thanks to you, I just know our mansion is beyond description. Be sure to give everyone a hug for me. I know Kris and Maw Maw Brooks were there to welcome you to your eternal home; and I can just see their faces beaming with pride, as you stepped into the presence of Jesus, and he

told you, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I thought I would feel a little jealous, but really all I feel is pride.

From this day on, rest assured that your children will arise and call you blessed; me, your husband also, and I will forever praise you: Many women do noble things, but you, my Angel, surpassed them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. So we will honor you for all that your hands have done, and your works will be known, as they bring you praise from all who were blessed to know you.

My Angel, I will see you in a little while!

Your loving husband, Jerry Pitts 

After spending my morning with the Lord, I was feeling much better and spent the rest of the day preparing for the funeral. We decided to have her service at Harmony Baptist Church in Crystal Springs, where we were members at the time. Janice and the girls had done most of the work already; all I had to do was pick out some pictures for the slide-show that was going to be played during the time of visitation. Janice had designed our heart-shaped tombstone, picked out her casket, and even prepared, with the help of the girls, something special for those of us left behind. Janice loved to draw and paint. She decided to put together a message on cue cards and made each into a beautiful piece of art. The afternoon after she passed away, the girls got together and videotaped our oldest daughter, Sam showing the cue cards she had helped her mom to make.

On the morning of the funeral service, as I sat in God’s presence, I felt this spirit of love rest on me. It was as if the Lord was saying to me that this was not going to be a day of mourning; we would have plenty of time for that in the days to come. Jessica and I decided to go to the morning church service, where the funeral would take place afterward. We entered the sanctuary that morning and sat in the front row.

As we stood and worshipped, I held Jessica’s left hand, and with our free hands, we lifted them high in praise. Janice and I had always praised the Lord in this manner. Any time we were in church, a Christian concert, or any other event where praise and worship were involved. It made worship so special for us, to praise our Lord together. This moment between Jessica and I set the tone for the day. No matter what happened from that moment on, that day would be one where Janice’s life was celebrated, and our God would receive our praise.

After the morning service, we had lunch, then got ready for the funeral service. The church was packed, as friends and family came to pay their respects. It touched me that so many people from Janice’s work showed up. Even the president of the company came and gave his condolences. At a company banquet a couple of months before, she had just recently received recognition for fifteen years of service. She had also received her FLMI (Fellow, Life Management Institute) designation and was rewarded with a promotion at work. They truly loved her there, and I was ever so appreciative of the love and support they all showed.

After the visitation was over, we took our seats. Jessica sat on one side of me and Sam on the other. Sam’s pastor had shared a short message, and then the person in the sound booth played the video. It was as if Janice was speaking to us from Heaven. Because we have non-Christian family members, she wanted to take this one last opportunity to share her faith and invite them to accept Jesus as Lord.

By the time the video ended, there was not a dry eye in the house. From my seat in the front row, I shouted, “Well done, my Angel, well done!” The funeral concluded with our standing together and singing one of Janice's favorite songs, “Revelation Song,” sung by Kari Jobe. As the song began to play, I stood in the middle of my two daughters; we all held hands, and then, with our hands raised high in praise, we worshipped our great God together.

Afterward, we drove out to Bethel Baptist Church Cemetery in Hazlehurst, Mississippi, where she was laid to rest. Since Sam and her husband are members there, she was able to secure us two plots. Afterward, my family and I visited other family members who had passed away. I decided that I wanted to be buried there because it is where my family roots are, and there are many family members on my father’s side buried at Bethel. Janice also liked the location because it is near where Sam lives, and since the rest of us lived only a few miles away, it seemed convenient for everyone who may want to visit. After we left Bethel, we returned to our house and visited with family and friends. After the long and emotional day was over, I headed to my bedroom, feeling more alone than I had in my entire life.

The following morning I spent with the Lord, and as I usually did, shared a short message on Facebook for the faithful prayer warriors who had been following our journey the last few years:

Well, wish me luck. My first day as a single man. Oh, that was painful! I loved everything about being married. But this is the road I must travel now. I know God has an amazing future planned for me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that. I must trust Him with all my heart, and lean not on my understanding, in all my ways submit to Him, and He WILL make my path straight. (Prov. 3:5-6). But don't worry about me, pray for me please, but don't worry. My God shall supply all my needs. (Phil. 4:19).

As I closed this final chapter with Janice, I could not have faced a more uncertain future. I met her in February 1989, so it had been almost twenty-seven years since I had been a single man. With the death of my Angel came the beginning of a new chapter of my life, in which I am now in my fourth year.

If I were to give this new chapter a name, it would have to be, “Living in the promises of God.” God has so tremendously blessed my children and me. It reminds me of the story of Job when the author wrote, “So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning” (Job 42:12 NLT). The first thing God did was place a wonderful Christian woman in my life. She too was a widow, and God brought us together to help each other heal. It truly amazes me how God can take two shattered hearts and make them into one beautiful whole. That’s what he did for us, and we are incredibly grateful for the way He continues to bless our lives.

God then blessed us when Sam got pregnant after several years of praying for a child. The doctor had told Sam that both she and her husband had medical issues, and the likelihood of her getting pregnant was very slim. Within only a few months of my Angel’s entrance into heaven, Sam became pregnant, and they now have a baby boy named Brice; he has the same color hair that his grandma did. Next, our other daughter, Jessica, had been praying for a godly man to enter her life. About the same time that Sam found out she was pregnant, Jessica met her future husband, and they are expecting their first child in September 2019, a baby girl whom she has already named Emma Grace. Finally, my son Garry, who was my prodigal son, got back in church after God placed a good Christian woman in his life. They have been married for about a year now, and I have never seen him closer to God.

These stories are just a small sampling of the countless blessings God has poured into our lives these last few years, but it does not even touch the surface. I will save those stories for my next book, which I will soon begin. There is a quote by an unknown author that says, "Maybe it’s not about the happy ending; maybe it’s about the story." My last chapter certainly did not have the happy ending I was hoping for, but my story goes on—and regardless of how my future chapters may end—as long as I stay on my destined path—I find peace in knowing my story will end exactly the way God meant it to be.