Devotionals

The High Cost of Fear

by Michael Edwards 
08/01/17
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If I am honest, I have fears. I quote scripture and try not to think about them because I know they will lead me in the wrong direction. But they are always there, lurking under the surface, waiting to lead me astray. Waiting to box me in, to confine me in a small cell of torment.  

One of my most painful fears is the fear of intimacy, letting others in to close, even my spouse. We have been together for over 20 years and sadly when I look back, I have never let her get close to me. I did not even realize how painful this has been for her, nor did I realize I had been hurting her in this way. Recently, I have been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder that has as its hallmark an inability to be intimate or to socially interact with others in a normal manner along with a lack of empathy. It is super painful and hurtful for anyone married to a person with this issue while the person with Asperger’s is generally unaware of how they are affecting others. 

Years ago, God told me, “When you run away from your fears is when you get beat up.”

He was right, but I did not really listen. Instead of facing my fear of intimacy, I fed it by avoiding intimacy with anyone, hurt my wife greatly, and now there is a great price and suffering for both of us.

God told me this years ago too, “On the other side of the fear is the flow.” It took me years to connect his message with the promised land flowing with milk and honey. The promised land that the Jews refused to enter out of fear. Instead of believing God and facing their fear, they allowed their fear to beat them up and torment them until they died afraid in the wilderness.

God also spoke to me about addressing my fear way back when my life was totally out of control due to alcohol and drug issues. My sister told me to get out of myself and help others to solve my problem. I was desperate and remember saying over and over again, “How can I help other people.” God finally replied, “Open yourself up and let others help you.” This made little sense to me at the time, but the words rolled from inside of me and out of my mouth in a way that I only experienced that one time. Now I know that God was trying to get me to face my fear of intimacy even then. If I had only listened and trusted Him.

By not listening to God’s good advice, my fears have chased me, beaten me down, made my world smaller, hurt others and stolen much from my life. They may have stolen my wife now. I hope you are listening because the cost of not facing our fears is immense. Fear wants to tell me I will always be alone, I am unlovable and can never have intimacy because of my diagnosis. It wants me to fear the future and to lock me up in a very small world.

Maybe it is time to trust and listen to God’s good advice of years ago.

Our Father has told me that only way out of fear is to turn around and face my fears moment by moment, one day at a time. To walk right through my fears trusting Him. I cannot ignore or forget this again. The enemies only weapon is to lie to us in an attempt to keep us under the torment of unaddressed fear. He wants to keep us afraid in the wilderness until we die, when the flow of God’s blessings and peace are directly on the other side of that fear we refuse to face and walk through. 

Fear is not the problem, not facing our fears is the problem.

God even holds our hand as we walk through our fears. Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isa 41:10

God told me something else years ago, “It does not matter what anyone else does, it only matters what you do.” So, what fear will you face and walk through today? I am praying for you; please pray for my wife and me.

Father help us to face our fears one day at a time, not to run but to trust you and walk right through them into the promised land flowing with milk and honey.