Poetry

Who Am I Alone?

by Scott McGrath 
06/27/16
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Who have I let myself become with them?
     Value extracted from their approving reflections
     Stature gained from inducing the right inflections

So much work to be who I am with them.
     Polished in all my approbo projections
     Fogging conclusions to their undesired inspections

So why the need for the me I am with them?
     Sustained by the chorus of amused laughter
     Standing superior to their volleys of vapid blather

I need to be beyond the reach of them.
     Gardening each compliment I gather
     Get one to grow to then confirm how much I feel I matter

Only one battling the hollow, empty feelings inside
Could have made other’s opinions of me hallow
But the truth I seek requires that I dive deep
So I forfeit the comfort of wading in heart’s shallows.

                                   Why the dread to be the me I am alone?
                                         Lining up distractions from all my glaring defects
                                         Any decent view blocked by pile of my rejects

                                   I need to know why I work so hard to never be alone.
                                         Past longing, now it’s desperation that I detect
                                         Sensing something greater I was built to reflect

                                   How will I know my heart if I never spend any time alone?
                                         The endless ugly feelings I can’t even start to evict
                                         Anger bursting out in ways I’m never able to predict

                                   So I turn to face the me I am alone.
                                          Free to chase down any pleasure that I could
                                          Only felt true freedom when I did what I knew

                               I should I once felt so hollow & empty inside
                               I spent so much time pursuing the applause of the shadows
                               But now I know that I have never been alone
                               And I plead with my old them to abandon their ornate gallows