Christian Living

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A while ago at work, somebody commented that each time I made them a drink, it was perfect. Another person then said that I was, indeed, the best tea maker and when it was my turn to brew, they knew they’d get a good cuppa. So what was my secret? Well, there wasn’t any great secret really, I just followed one simple rule: find out how people like it! Such a little thing but it did make a difference. For example, the coffee-drinker who said she had one sugar because it sounded better saying that in public, well, I secretly knew that in fact, she took three. The tea-drinker who didn’t like much milk, which seemed strange to me but that’s how she liked it, or the one who had over half a cup of milk with her drink, each enjoying their tea because I made it to their preference. When somebody asks me to place the tea-bag into the boiling water and then immediately remove it, I feel as if I’m doing it wrong, but if she likes it that way then that’s what I do. My husband hates coffee, my best friend has tea without milk, I drink decaf and another friend of mine drinks only fruit teas. Take a little time and effort to learn how each person enjoys their tea or coffee and it can just make them that little bit happier.
It got me thinking the other day about people. As everyone takes their drink a little differently, the same can be said for their personalities. We all know the sensitive types, the outgoing types, the people who joke about everything and the people who constantly need your affirmation. There are people who prefer to be left to get on with their work and the people who enjoy a chat, there are others who are happy doing little things for others and then there are people who may be so insecure they need you to make the effort first. While all of these little personalities are different, the one thing that everybody wants and needs is, of course, love. And in the same way that making a good cup of tea can make somebody happy, knowing what makes them tick can also have the same effect. Now, I’m not saying that this is always easy, of course it’s not. We also have our own personalities and we can be easily hurt. If somebody isn’t easy to love or doesn’t appear to be making any effort then it can be very frustrating, if not upsetting. However, if each of us tries, the results can be astounding. A little bit of happiness can go a long way and a little bit of happiness can also create a great change around us. Why not try learning a little bit about the people around us? Some things may already be obvious but others not so and maybe, instead of being annoyed by the way people behave, try learning what we could do to make them feel loved.
An example I am going to share is one of a relative in my extended family. After her mother passed away she retreated, by that I mean that she took herself away from her family and friends and made little to no effort with any of us. After many years this caused some people to become quite frustrated, understandably so and the few times that any of us did make an effort to reach out to her were always knocked back. It would have been so easy to just give up, to leave her to it, after all, she knew where we were if she ever wanted to get back in touch. But that’s not what we did. Over the course of a few years we tried and tried and refused to give up. This, of course, resulted in hurt feelings from time to time but we all realised that she wasn’t being rude, this was how she lived, this was who she was. The way she felt about herself was obviously not positive and she took it out on those around her. Anyway, after realising that for her to feel loved and happy, we always had to be the ones to make the first move, things started to change. It had to come from us. Each time. Just because that’s who she is. And I am pretty certain that now she feels happier, now she knows that we all love her and now, she willingly accepts invitations and enjoys being around us. Learning about her personality instead of condemning her because it was so frustrating has resulted in a more positive family atmosphere. Then, there is a lady I used to work with, a proud lady who never accepted gifts from anybody, no matter how small. This came across as quite offensive to some, myself included on occasion, but it was the way she was brought up coupled with the fact that she didn’t see herself worthy enough to receive things from others. Completely by accident I found out what did work and what did make her smile and that was to do little things for her, things that were already done that she didn’t have a choice in. Saying things to her such as, ‘I prayed for you last night’, or, ‘I thought about you when I saw such and such on television’ had real effect. Not forgetting the odd hug from time to time as well. Little gestures that made her feel loved, because ultimately that’s what everybody needs to feel.
It is so easy to become offended or frustrated when people don’t behave in the same way as you. But people are different. If you make a coffee-drinker a tea and they hand it back to you, don’t take it personally and vow to never again make them another drink: instead learn what they do like and make it differently. Little effort, little time, lots of happy people. Let us try to spread happiness with everyone we meet, let us love others in a way that makes them happy, let us find out how many sugars, offer them a smile and go and put the kettle on.

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