Faith

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Dear Christian reader,

The Bible scares me sometimes. Do you ever feel the same way?

It's kind of interesting how reading the Bible can sometimes result in fear. I suppose it has something to do with the punishments and judgements written in nearly every page...enough to make anyone forget about God's other characteristics: unconditionally loving and wonderfully merciful.

Everytime I think about God, about life, and about holiness...I feel a surge of pain rush through my soul. A part of it can be called conscience as life deals with an immeasurable amount of guilt and many of us humans are addicted to sinning. I know I am. Sinning is absolutely great...you can do anything and everything you want and feel good about it...no barriers hold you back.

Except when the thought of living gets replaced by the thought of God...and you see his anger and disappointment.

I admit that I fear God more than I love Him. It's an inexplicable feeling I can't get rid of. I know He is omnipotent and all-powerful...and maybe that's why I fear Him. He can do things far beyond human imagination---unpredictable--- and sometimes, devastating in its effect. I read about Sodom and Gomorrah and I cower in fear...I read about the fall of Lucifer and I die of anxiety. God has power over everything...He can make miracles happen and He can prevent them. The worst of it all, the way I see it, is that no man can comprehend God or forecast His actions...each day I seem to expect a nerve-wracking experience that could either make me hate God or love Him all the more.

The fear that I feel, of course, eventually results in greater faith. But it still bothers me that I never know when I'm pleasing God and when I'm hurting Him. It is all so complicated. His laws are complicated! It leaves me wondering and empty. I do not know what He expects of me and how He expects me to do it.

I fear God's judgement yet I also marvel at His magnificent love. I can never know when the justice stops or when the mercy begins...but it's all there. He is a perfect mixture of holiness and love and I trust Him. I bring all my requests to Him yet it is still His will that I want. All I can do is hope, wait, and pray.

And maybe if I follow His heart...He will grant me the desires of mine.

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