Poetry

Epic and Autobiographical (A Versified Finale) An Autobiographical Narrative: 1960s 4

by Carl Halling
08/31/14
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A Perfectly Foolish Young Man I Wanted Part Two Book Five Epic and Autobiographical (A Versified Finale) An Autobiographical Narrative: 1960s 4

An Autobiographical Narrative: 1960s

This jackadandy's original title was

An Essay Written by a Guy

Who Was Too Lazy to Finish It,

And it dates from

My college days, ca. 1971,

At a time I was yet enamoured

With the hedonistic

Hippie way of life.

It's been reproduced more or less

Verbatim, notwithstanding

Some minor editing,

And versification.

And I don't think it's necessary

To add there is no such cologne

As Monsieur de Gauviche.

As the first title implies,

It was never finished,

But I've taken the liberty

Of belatedly turning the protagonist

Into a dandified danger man

Somewhat in the mould

Of Peter Wyngarde's

Stylishly overdressed secret agent

From the classic television series,

Department S and Jason King.

Englishman, Jackadandy, Spy

He made no move at all

As the alarm clock went off.

But ten minutes later,

It was obvious he was awake.

He lifted himself out of bed

And went towards the bathroom.

He shaved himself

With a Gillette Techmatic

After having sploshed himself

With a double handful

Of icy cold water.

He washed again, dried his face,

Put on some Monsieur de Gauviche

And got dressed.

He wore a Brutus shirt,

A Tonik suit and a pair of

Shiny brown boots.

He was six foot two,

And he smoked sixty Players

Medium Navy Cut cigarettes

A day, and he lit each one

With a Ronson lighter.

His name was Titus Hardin,

And he had the biggest

Wardrobe in London.

He was a fair-haired man

And very good-looking.

He was thirty two years old

And a bachelor,

And lived near Richmond, Surrey.

He was immaculate,

Wore long sideboards

And a long moustache,

And his hair was shortish

And well-combed.

His shirt was light blue,

And he wore a dark blue tie.

He wore two rings on each hand.

He washed himself

After his usual breakfast

Of toast, black coffee and health pills.

He cleaned his teeth thoroughly,

Put some more cologne on,

And then went to do

His isometrics.

His name was Titus Hardin,

And he had the biggest

Wardrobe in London.

He was born in London in 1940.

He went to Eton and Oxford,

Had taught at Oxford for eight years

But was sacked.

He had been an Oxford Rowing Blue,

And got a degree in English, Art and History.

His father was Lord Alfred Hardin, M.P.

Titus loved teaching,

And not many people know the reason

For his dismissal at the age of thirty one.

He was nearly expelled from Eton

For smoking, drinking,

And being head of a secret society

With secret oaths, but he was

Too promising a sportsman,

And all the boys respected him

As a prefect.

He was a fair-haired man

And very good-looking.

He was thirty two years old

And a bachelor,

And lived near Richmond, Surrey.

His flat was beautifully furnished.

His name was Titus Hardin,

And he had the biggest wardrobe in London.