Faith
Just consider having looked at deviant stuff on the internet or having downloaded. Imagine knowing deep down inside that it was wrong and yet feeling powerless to prevent it.
Imagine trying to commit suicide as I once did and going into delirium. Did I die and enter hell at that point or was it long ago with low self-esteem or other things that took place to slowly crush my spirit over the years and lead me into being a broken man and seeking protection. Leading me to poor coping skills and keeping me down. Now, court issues and being gullible enough to use the internet and foolish pride to feed the attorneys. Never having focused on school or a career or meeting a young woman and falling in love and having children. My life is a mess and my family is a mess and with a woman who holds grudges against my family so that now I have lost home and in debt, etc ad infinitum.
Imagine that they track you through internet, through radio, through any number of high-tech gadgetry. Imagine that it all goes into the air or the internet. Imagine that maybe we are all pawns and that some choices are not really choices at all. Or they were, but we got trapped by our own sins. I am in turmoil and now have to go to get diagnosed to see if I am insane or compartmentalize. Some think it is God and the Holy Spirit, some Lucifer, but remember that Lucifer disguises himself as an angel of light and of good. I believe that long ago I accepted Christ as Savior, but then fell away over and over in this constant spiritual battle. Is it my destiny to never have a career to retire from? Is it my destiny to be on crazy pills? I had a decent job with decent wages, but no more. Could it be possible that if it is stated or worse yet, documented that it does become reality? Others like doctors misconstrue or write down sound bites like so many others. I have lied sometimes willingly and other times tricked by my perceptions or the perceptions of others.
Perhaps, in the end, we all die alone regardless, but I love my family even though I didn't seem to before being caught up in my own little world. Not the best family in the world with all of its problems and debt, but my family nevertheless. Just because I was a bad seed doesn't mean I don't wish to be there for them even though I am broke and not so moral afterall--trying to be something I was not. Things are not right! It's all the greatest deception there is! Oh, evil is quite tangible. The Prince of the Power of the Air is alive and thriving. I pray that I can continue the fight!
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