Testimonies
When I was first married, I never dreamed that things would be as they are now. I mean I thought that life would be as I had always imagined it to be and that there would be no problems in it for me unless I married someone that was not compatible with me. Little did I know that Satan had a plan for my life and it was not a pretty one. My husband and I were married for about two years when I realized that this marriage was not as I had thought that it would be at all. I mean that I had a new husband that loved me, as I was and did not want to change me in anyway, I had a life that our friends envied and that our families could not believe the way that God was working within our marriage. Friends would often come to me and ask me what I was doing that they were not to keep our marriage so good. I simply told them that I had no idea how our marriage was staying as good as it was. I think that they all knew in their hearts that it was God keeping things so good between my husband and I. Things were going good for us as the years went by but still I knew and so did my husband that something just was not right within our marriage. After our first son was born and years past things, were starting to get tense for us as man and wife. We hardly communicated with one another and when we did it usually did not solve anything only made things worse.
We did not know it then but Satan was already working within our lives. We thought that we had a good marriage but on the inside there was mistrust, confusion, dishonesty as well harbored hurt feeling which underlined almost every thing we did. There was impatience and misconceptions in a lot of areas of our lives. It was not for years later, right before our second son was born, that these things were pointed out to me by a very dear friend of our’s. I thank God everyday for the advice of that friend and to this very day I do not see anyway that our marriage could have changed without that advice and without God in the midst of everything. Since then I believe that God helped me and my husband to communicate with one another better and things were going a lot better for us. After our second son and our daughter were born things went down hill very quickly. Satan was at work within our lives and we did not even know it. I found that I had a very weak spot in my life and Satan found it as well. We acquired a computer and we started getting familiar with the things of the Internet and what took place on it. I did research of the Internet and what my children could do on it so I would know exactly what not to let them do and where not to let them go. We set the parental controls for them and then things started getting very interesting. The kids did very well on the computer but when it came to me, Satan knew exactly where to send me on the Internet and what to let me explore. He knew that I loved getting attention from others as well as making new friends. Satan sent me many, many friends of many diversities, because He knew that it did not matter to me who they were I would still be friends with them. God tried to show me that Satan was in my life through my husband and real life friends, but I would not listen to them. I became very tied emotionally to my Internet friends and our conversations on the net and the phone. Some of them I even met in real life and felt closer to them then some friends that I have known for many years, and even my husband as well.
When my husband found out about my Internet friends and the things that took place on the net and the phone with them, he was furious, and he had every right to be. Satan was truly working a number on my family and I. The sad part was that I did not see it at all until my husband made me see everything the hard way. He threatened me with a divorce and possible time in prison as well. Obviously, my eyes were very open to everything that was going on with my friends and me. My writing and artwork was even affected, I had not even thought about them being involved. My husband shared some things with me about me that I did not even know, which really shocked and even scared me. Satan was working very well in my life at that time and I was doing some very strange things even for me. When my husband told me about the things that were going on in my life that I was unaware of, I fell before God and asked his forgiveness and I repented as quickly as I could. Somehow apparently, Satan had a much bigger hold on me and my life than my husband and I ever thought. Even though I had repented and gotten God’s forgiveness, still Satan was working in my life. It was like He just did not want to let me go for anything. Things just kept taking me right back to the place I was before and I was in sin all over again. I could see the sin and I could see how I got back to where I was all over again, but I seemed to not be able to get loose of the sin no matter how hard I tried. I wanted free of the sin and my heart was headed in the right direction, but Satan’s control through my friends was much stronger. I knew that the direction I was headed in was of total disaster and that to be loose of it was the way to be, as hard as I tried and as much as I prayed, I was finding it very hard to say “no” to my friends and the requests that that made of me.
I continuously kept my family and my husband on my mind and in my thoughts. Those thoughts would usually keep me on the right track because I knew the consequences if I were to falter yet again. Even knowing the risks I still found myself in sin and repeatedly asking for forgiveness from God. I loved talking to my friends and sharing things with them like daily activities, and well being of our families as well as any conflicts that we had that were usually easily solved. My husband would always tell me that if my friends wanted things from me that were not of God, and they were not really my friends. I knew that he was right but had a lot of trouble taking his words to heart and acting on them. I know that my husband would never stir me in the wrong direction because God would not let him. I have stood my ground with a lot of my so-called friends and since I have they have walked away from me and went in their own direction, without me in their lives. It was very hard to lose them but nevertheless; very necessary for me to do. The friends that I do still have on the Internet are very dear to me and they all know my boundaries and limits very well. Most of the time they are very willing to back off and behave themselves when I ask them to. But there are still some times that they seem to want to test me and my resilience. I let them do their worst to test myself and then I let them all know straight from the cuff, where I stand and how things are going to be. They finally understand my position and apologize from the bottom of their hearts.
When I have weak days and my guard is down some of my friends can tell that my guard is down and they remind me how things should be and then I realize that without God in my life I would not have the life that I have today nor would I have a family or my children in my life either. I thank God for everything that I have in my life today and everything that he has given to me. I cannot even fathom what I would do without God in my daily life. The prospects are far too scary for me as well hard to grasp. I am so very thankful to God and my husband for everything that they have done for me and in my life. I know in my heart that the struggle in this area of my life will be an everyday struggle for me. I also know that I will have God and my loving husband right by my side to help me through anything that Satan will throw at me. God loves me regardless of what I have done and what I have been through. I know that he will never take His love away from me as long as I keep His word in my heart Any void that may be in my life I know that God, or my husband will fill for me once they are made aware of it. I can only pray to God that He give me strength and wisdom as well as the willpower that I need to take the stand that I need to with my Internet friends, regardless of how they feel about my beliefs or my desires. I have bowed down before Him and laid my Internet friends and everything that I have been through with them at His feet. I have asked Him to wash me clean and white as snow in His love. I asked for His forgiveness once again and this time I will try my very hardest to not let Satan back into my life or have any kind of hold on me whatsoever!
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