Starting Over | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Starting Over | Previous Challenge Entry
By Stephen Kimball
07/21/21
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES

I had beat myself up so badly over the past three days, if self-loathing could have, by itself, killed me then I would have already been dead. It was all I could do to make myself walk up to the podium, but I knew I had to. I would have thought I was cried out, but as I lifted my eyes to face my rag-tag group of peers, a tear snuck up on me and pushed its way out and I had to take a moment to collect myself.

“It’s okay Dan”, someone said out of the silence of the room, “we’ve all been there…you’ll be okay.”

“Hello. My name is Dan, I’m an alcoholic.

This is difficult. I never wanted to have to stand before you like this.

I don’t enjoy admitting failure, but once again, I’m in trouble.

Almost eight months sober, until last Saturday night.

I don’t want to drink…obviously. I hate what it does to me.

But it calls me, and honestly, every day is a battle.

I resist, but eventually…historically, it has a way of wearing me down and overpowering me.

Jesus is my savior, this I know. He deserves every part of me.

Alcohol is the demon that lie in wait and seeks to destroy me. I know this too.

I’ve been in church. I’ve had counseling. I’ve been here.

I desire abstinence. To live a clean life…a holy life.

There are times when I am full and satisfied and happy, but then life and loneliness creep in on me and take me to places I don’t want to be.

I know the wickedness of my ways, and yet…

Saturday, the Devil came knocking, in the form of a phone call, and I let him in.

I knew who it was and I shouldn’t have picked it up.

‘You don’t have to drink’, she said. ‘Just come down to the pub for a bit, visit with your old friends. Everyone’s going to be there.’

When I saw the number light up, I was at that moment and I knew it. You know, that moment when you must choose which direction you will take; whether you quench the desire or allow it to spark a fire.

In that brief instant, between the phone buzzing and the decision to answer it, all my weakness; all my humanness pounded within my chest, like the crashing thunder that was sure to ensue.

Why did I even have her number in my phone?

Stupidity.

At the bar, my defenses held for a while, until they didn’t.

In the middle of it all, Jim called — my friend from church. Tried to throw me a life preserver, but I wasn’t having it. I got angry, angry over my own failure and lack of control really, but I took it out on him and said things I shouldn’t have.

Now, as I stand here, one DUI later and looking at jail time as a repeat offender, I feel tired and alone but resolute.”

“You’re not alone Dan”, encouraged the same friend who had spoken up a minute ago.

“No excuses this time. Nobody to blame but me.

Perhaps jail is what I need. Perhaps there I will find the restoration I seek. I would appreciate your prayers, that this consequence I have brought upon myself may, ironically, lead to true freedom from this…monster.

It might be a while, but I’ll be back here with you as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you for listening.”

PREVIOUS ENTRY | NEXT ENTRY
SUBMIT YOUR ENTRY FOR THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.

Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.