The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
04/14/16
You nailed the topic and I enjoyed the story very much.
04/15/16
I enjoyed the details and the story as a whole. You developed a very clear picture and covered the topic nicely. Sometimes I thought the longer paragraphs took some of the pace of the story down a little and it dragged some. But it is a tough balance. Overall a very nice story I enjoyed reading.
04/16/16
This was a good story. The interview answer seemed long, and not quite as believable as the rest of the story(believable as in a realistic response to a student newspaper interview).
04/16/16
Great message and your characters were believable and authentic in nature. The dialogue was, at times, not as believable. As someone who has worked with children and youth for more than 20 years, I can tell you that teens just don't talk so maturely (at least not most of the time).

I also agree with Bill that some of the long sentences dragged the pace down at times. I would look for ways you could shorten those to help with the readability of the piece.

However, as I said earlier, the message is awesome and the characters you've created are really good. A lot of people have been through similar experiences of being left out and I love how you show just easy it can be for Christians to act like Jesus and make those people feel included.

Nice work!
04/17/16
I enjoyed your story!

Blessings~
04/21/16
I can relate with the anxiety that a social situation can take on.

Well done!