The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/15/18
This is a very good story and I'm afraid all too common. You certainly addressed the topic. Just a word about the problem I had with you switching from present tense and past tense. Also In the first paragraph where you said "his dad" I believe you need to leave off the word "his".
03/16/18
Very interesting to show how a son saw his father's greed which put a barrier between them. I liked how you allowed the mom to finally have a voice to her son about her pain in dealing with this.
03/16/18
Well done. I enjoyed this story with a message attached.

Blessings~
Intriguing story.
03/21/18
Your story broke my heart. I could not believe the greed. I was a little confused about whose POV it was being told from in a couple of places. I enjoyed your story. Keep writing.
03/22/18
I enjoyed your story of a father's greedy attitude. Well told. You probably need to just check your pronouns before submitting as you switched to 'his dad' a couple of times. Easily done if you change your choice of POV after you've written it.