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TRUST JESUS TODAY

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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Selfishness (02/14/05)
Dear God,

I am writing this letter to inform you, that today, with this subject, I choose to be selfish. You know my heart, and you know I always strive to put others before myself, but I am having great difficulty with that today.

As you know, Aunt Ruthie called me this evening. She is concerned for mom. States she has complained of a terrible headache for the last couple of days, and has been going to bed early. Today she found her on the floor, and mom doesn’t remember falling. I am worried about her Lord. She is 2,000 miles away and there is nothing I can do but wait.

Lord, I’m scared that I won’t see her again. I am scared that you might take her home. Though that is wonderful for her, it is not so wonderful for me. Dad went home to be with you six years ago this month. I miss him terribly, but I know he is better off with you. I know mom misses him too and wants to be back together with him. But I don’t want her to go yet. I can’t imagine losing her too.

You have asked me to trust you, and I do Lord. You have said you won’t put me through anything I can’t handle, and I believe you. You have told me that you will never leave me or forsake me. I believe that too. You are Lord of my life. I have given you my heart and soul and mind. I have given you my life. But Jesus, I don’t want to give you my mom! I want her with me! You will have eternity with her Lord! You don’t need her now, do you?

I truly am being selfish Lord. Listen to me. Mom is lonely and often hurts yet my desire is to keep her here so I am happy. Why am I putting my wants before hers? I am doing the same thing with you. You have a plan for everyone’s life, yet I assume that what I need and want is more important than your plan for mom. This isn’t who you want me to be. This isn’t who you made me to be.

I humble myself before you Lord and I ask forgiveness for my selfishness. Help me put your will before my selfish desires. Help me put my mom’s wishes and prayers before my own. If she is ready to go home to you Lord, and you are ready to take her, let me not stand in the way. I just ask that you let me hear her voice one more time. Let me tell her I love her one more time. I trust you God, your will be done.

Sincerely,

Your servant
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This article has been read 1252 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Karen Deikun
02/22/05
I assume this is from your own heart and you're dealing personally with this. Yes, this is a hard time to be selfless. Thanks for sharing with us.
donna robinson
02/23/05
This just hit me to the core. My mom and dad are elderly, I live 1500 miles away and while my sister and brother are great, it hurts that I'm not thre more. I am selfish not to at least write her more...so many things here...
Jean Boulmay
02/24/05
Beautifully written, and very expressive.
Nancy Hardy
02/25/05
Raw emotion in liquid form.

I greatly appreciated the message of this piece, as I too struggle with such a selfish desire. What I admire the most about this piece is your painful, yet genuine honesty. So often we are afraid to speak our hearts to God, who already knows our thoughts anyway. Why sugar-coat or justify, but rather pour the oil of our discontent before the holy God and let the balm of His healing fill us with the contentment that we seek. Very impressive work!! God bless, Nancy
Marjorie Arrowood
02/26/05
I'm wiping tears as I write. My dad passed away 8 years ago this month and Mom joined him 18 months later. I was their primary caregiver and although I know God was in control and that his wisdom supercedes all human thought, I still miss them. Assuming this is reality and not merely well-written fiction, you will be in my prayers as you face the future. God bless.
Gabrielle Morgan
07/13/05
What a perfect prayer! I loved this moving piece. It is often hard to know the reasons of God's will when it interferes with our own wishes. We are so tested at times, but your prayer was a great example of submission to the will of God. Well done, Jan.