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Topic: MAIL (02/18/16)
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TITLE: No Dream Too Big | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dot Hannah
02/24/16 -
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February 24, 2016
As I rounded the corner into the roomy, bright kitchen, I sniffed the rich smells of Grandma’s delicious bread baking. The slight figure with her soft, warm complexion and hazel eyes quickly greeted me. Her back turned toward the warm rays of the morning sun, she hummed softly as she kneaded more dough to place into a greased bowl to rise. When the dough doubled in bulk sometime later, she would form it into loaves and brush the tops with beaten egg for a shiny crust.
A little unaccustomed flush surged over her face as she bent down to peek in the hot oven. She wiped her hands on her calico apron, and said, “What brings you into my neck of the woods today, honey?” “If only I knew what to do,” I sighed for the hundredth time. “If only I could be sure.” Grandma shifted uneasily and cast a nervous glance my way. She paused enough to breathe a quick prayer. I knew she cared deeply, no matter how increasingly restless and whiny I had become.
“You must turn this over to God and rest in His faithfulness,” advice she had given me many times. It was the biggest decision of my life and as hard as I had prayed, I felt like I could not get a firm answer. I was torn. My parents’ funds were low, and I did not want to seem selfish. It had been my lifelong dream to attend a university and study to become a veterinarian. They were eager for me to pursue my dreams, assuring me that God would provide the funds somehow. Grandma poured two cups of hot, black coffee and said, “Have you applied for a scholarship?” “Yes, but I never heard back. I think I must have been denied.” “Perhaps you are presuming the worst. These matters take time. Now, drink your coffee. I think a ride on old Whitey would do you some good.”
I walked through the nearby pines and enjoyed the soft breeze on my face. I would take Grandma’s advice, pray for an answer to come, and try hard to be patient. A great weight lifted off my mind. It always did when I saddled up old Whitey and rode her through the thick, green pasture up into the hills. Animals, all animals had a calming effect on me. I knew I had been called to spend my life with them. If only the university knew this too.
Day after day, I waited for the mail. Every day when a letter failed to arrive, I tried to keep busy and stay positive. However, time was quickly passing and soon it would be too late. Talk about disappointment. “Don’t you worry, honey,” Grandma would say.
One day when I was halfway to the barn to ride Whitey, I heard a faint whinny. When I stepped inside, a distressed Whitey was lying on the yellow straw, and something was painfully wrong. I immediately got her on her feet and began walking her. I called a veterinarian on my cell phone located a half hour away. When he arrived, he took over. Turns out Whitey only had a mild colic. Dr. Black was very impressed with the way I had handled the situation. When he found out I desired to become a vet, he was pleased.
He asked if I would be interested in working with him several days a week. I explained I was waiting to hear about a scholarship I had applied for. He suggested that meanwhile I work with him and learn all I could. I was thrilled. Spring turned into summer and summer into fall. I no longer waited on the mail day after day. I was busy and fulfilled and had never been so happy. Dr. Black was astounded at how quickly I caught on to everything and told me I was a natural. Before I knew it, almost an entire year had passed. With much encouragement from him and Grandma, I reapplied for a scholarship to the university. I had no idea that Dr. Black had written a letter of recommendation to the school on my behalf. One day a large envelope arrived. I tore into it and danced a jig when I read I had been approved for the coveted scholarship. God always works things out.
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” (Proverbs 16:3) NIV
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The story built up really well, and ended with the perfect scripture ref.
Well done.
You stayed on topic but your piece also a wonderful example of patience, God's plan and His timing.
My only suggestion is to have each character's dialogue as one paragraph.
Well written. Looking forward to reading more of your stories.
I felt that there was a bit of predictability in the ending here--from the moment I read that the narrator was waiting for an important piece of mail, I knew that the letter would eventually come. To prevent that predictability, think of a way you could give your story a bit of a twist.
Your first paragraph is very descriptive, but what you're describing doesn't really move the story along or add to the characterization of the narrator. Can you think of a way that you might get the story rolling sooner, and perhaps add in some of the descriptions of the grandmother later on, during the conversations with the narrator?
Finally, with no description of the narrator, and no name given, the reader doesn't know if they're reading about a male or a female. It's pretty important to provide that information somehow.
I liked the authentic feel of time and place that comes through in every sentence, and the gentle mood of this story.