The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/11/06
A lot of good here, but a number of issues too. The stand alone couplets are pretty good, although some forcing is evident. Watch using affected language (thy) if your whole poem is not written that way. A little work and this method could be very interesting.
05/11/06
It is very distracting shifting from the old English ‘thy’ to the modern English ‘you.’ Kudos to you for the good rhyming job.
I feel so inferior to comment on poety, as I can't write it to save my life, but I really enjoyed this piece. You communicated the theme very clearly and with passion.